stress
my stress and anxiety levels are way to high and I had to fight back tears yesterday at work. I cant stand it anymore having to work and open 2 stations, mine is very intensive in prep work and they both have to be ready for the lunch crowd. I said something to a guy there, he has been there forever and is very nice about how I cant take it having to do both it is stressing me out. not to long later angie came over and stayed from noon till she left and for lunch. she left at 2. I asked her if she was asked to come ovr and she said no, but she hadn't finished the load, so I am sure she was. nice though it was, jut to have someone to talk to, and lunch was very busy with salads I know she was asked. there is no way she will be there today, she will have to much to do with the load. I tried applying to a job with the local rail station and the application was confusing and my screen apparently isn't wide enough so that was why I couldn't do it. have to start again today.
I even texted barb, old boss, and told her in quick details about what was going on and I asked her if she knew of any job openings, I may have stepped over the line, don't know, I thought we had an open relationship with conversation, but I haven't heard back. I did say if she felt she shouldn't answer I would understand, but I hope I hear somethong about the current situation.
I haven't been able to exercise much in the past few days, it has been way to hot and humid and my gym isn't air conditioned and the thought of going is not appealing at all. I feel sluggish and lazy and yes fat, I am still eating what I have eaten even at night continuing to have something when not hungry anymore. at least last night I put some pretzels in the bowl and left the bag in the kitchen, first time. this may be TMI but my bowels aren't right, some days I don't go and then it isn't good when I do, I think it is stress over everything and over thinking and worrying over thngs I cant change. things like my job, david, my mother, finances. I got the school taxes yesterday and I have actually been able to squirrel away enough to pay!!!! having dannys rent money helped so much with that, now I don't have that but I save ones and change and will have to be very careful. excited though I can pay and not ask anyone for help!!!
I think if I could try mediation long enough to stop my mind it would be so helpful, anyone elese do it?
I want to talk to david about how I feel with him acting and talking the way he is to me and how I feel, not being accusatory. saying I feel disrecpted and being spoken to like a 2 year old and that I am scared of bringing up any topic for fear of how he will react. as colleen says, what good will it do, he will get defensive and want specifics, his big word. don't know what to do.
I even texted barb, old boss, and told her in quick details about what was going on and I asked her if she knew of any job openings, I may have stepped over the line, don't know, I thought we had an open relationship with conversation, but I haven't heard back. I did say if she felt she shouldn't answer I would understand, but I hope I hear somethong about the current situation.
I haven't been able to exercise much in the past few days, it has been way to hot and humid and my gym isn't air conditioned and the thought of going is not appealing at all. I feel sluggish and lazy and yes fat, I am still eating what I have eaten even at night continuing to have something when not hungry anymore. at least last night I put some pretzels in the bowl and left the bag in the kitchen, first time. this may be TMI but my bowels aren't right, some days I don't go and then it isn't good when I do, I think it is stress over everything and over thinking and worrying over thngs I cant change. things like my job, david, my mother, finances. I got the school taxes yesterday and I have actually been able to squirrel away enough to pay!!!! having dannys rent money helped so much with that, now I don't have that but I save ones and change and will have to be very careful. excited though I can pay and not ask anyone for help!!!
I think if I could try mediation long enough to stop my mind it would be so helpful, anyone elese do it?
I want to talk to david about how I feel with him acting and talking the way he is to me and how I feel, not being accusatory. saying I feel disrecpted and being spoken to like a 2 year old and that I am scared of bringing up any topic for fear of how he will react. as colleen says, what good will it do, he will get defensive and want specifics, his big word. don't know what to do.
Replies
You do have multiple stressful things going on and, as you realise mostly they are out of your control. I have heard of people practicing meditation and finding it helpful but I havent gotten into it myself. I must say I do always feel calm and relaxed after the Body Balance (Body Flow in the US) classes I go to. Thats not exactly meditation - its yoga/pilates/tai-chi type exercises but focusing on those is calming and somehow pleasing.
Dont know how you should approach David - or if you should at all right now. Keep in touch with Colleen and with us on DS.
I think this could be what you are looking for with regards to walking...
http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_articles.asp?id=894
I read this today and I want to start with the first one the next time I go for a walk. *hugs* You have a lot on your mind and this might help lessen the stress.
I cant do mediation either, though I avent tried very long. it is embarrassing to say this but with yoga, and all those type of things I get very gassy and I never know when it will happen so fear keeps me away. I know it would be so good for me. I actually have thos problem with most exercise. I agree, taling to david will simply stress and upset me more. I have made a decision to stop making the contact all the time with both my sons, they don\'t call or text me, and david, this is funny, laura says I only call david when I want or need something, well he does exactly that! I am stepping back, it will be hard with danny esp. but I am sick of it. I am thinking of buying some laxatives Saturday as I have sunday off, I haven\'t been able to go good for days. larissa, I want to want it is just to hot and it gets dark here by 8 now when it has cooled dowm, cant wait for cooler weather, where is it?? thank god for DS
I\'m sorry to hear about all the challenges you are facing at the moment. Having to work 2 stations in your job sounds horrendous for you. I know I would be stressed to the max on that one! I think reaching out to your previous boss was fine; try not to take it personally that you haven\'t heard from her. We never know what anyone else dealing with at any given time, and it is easy when we are vulnerable to extract that their silence or reaction is a reflection on us. However, it could just be that she\'s also stressed in her own life and doesn\'t have anything to give out.
Re the gas - can relate to this one. I struggle with IBS and gas seems to go hand in hand with it. Have to avoid some offender foods. Know its after all the years of the bad EDs. Stress affects me in this regard. Ironic eh... I\'m freezing down here and over all the rain, but poor you... you\'re sweltering up there in NY. What an interestingly varied wonderful world we live in :)
This morning I found a resource I\'d downloaded ages ago called \"Dealing with Distress\" and am going to re-read it today as I\'m... well... dealing with distress (slight LOL!). Its an introduction to healthy coping strategies written in plain English (with pictures!). I would encourage you to check it out online. It\'s FREE and downloadable. Go to www.getselfhelp.co.uk, and search for the title. There are also many other free resources for EDs on there. I\'ve personally found it an invaluable site and it\'s helped me with to live and cope with issues in life. Kim x