Life is new. Since I got out of the hospital I'm not smoking and that is a big adjustment to my lifestyle. It's like I've got too much time on my hands. I used to smoke just to pass the time. In a lot of ways it was a reason not to get things done because I would always do them after I finished this ciggerette or the next.Part of me wants to fill the void with eating but the last thing I need to do is to gain weight back I lost in the hospital. I really need to find some kind of excercise to fill in the time at least a couple of times a day; even just a walk. There are a lot of small jobs around the house I need to get done but I haven't felt motivated to start them yet. I am doing better about the day to day tasks like keeping up on the laundry and dishes; even remembering to shave.I haven't been sleeping very well, no more than 5 or 6 hours a night, and that is with getting up twice a night. It's like I want to be manic and not sleep but I don't have anything to do when I'm awake it gets pretty confusing and frustrating. It's just a wierd feeling in general. I've been getting up around 530-700 and eating breakfast right away. I may get a little sleepy after that and nap until about 9 then start thinking about a snack. I've got to find a way to work past all of this. I should probably take it one step at a time I just don't know where to start. I always want to do it all at once.Remmy goes back to school in less than 2 weeks. He is going to a new school, a private one that we can barely afford. But with smaller classes and higher quality materials it will be worth the investment. He has grown quite a bit over the summer, both in size and in personality. He has become a real smart ass. I just feel bad he has not had much exposure to kids his own age all summer. He has just been here with his mom and I mainly.Debra went back to work today I think she likes being back. she had been off because of my hospital visit. It'll be good having her paycheck again too money is deffinatly tight. I just hope they put her back to her 5 day a week schedule again soon.well there is my up to date for now I've been on site alot just not journaling like I should, I am going to try to get back in the habit...tim