Goal Update

Well, I haven’t been online very often, and so I have not updated my goals. I’ve done a big thing by leaving a relationship that wasn’t healthy for me. It has been hard, but I am starting to feel better about the situation and to welcome the growth and even the change... scary though, and sad. Anyway, between dealing with that (and therefore not feeling like a positive influence) and only having internet usage intermittently, I have not been very active on DS. I thought I’d just take little time away from working to catch up a bit. I haven’t updated my goals in forever...
I’m torn on how to address the “change marijuana usage” goal. In reality, I have met this goal. I was getting stoned all the time and using it to numb my emotions; to escape. Though I still get stoned on occasion, I am not doing it for that purpose anymore; it’s purely recreational and under control. So, my goal is actually met. I thought, well, I could quit completely... and I could... I thought maybe I’ll just go a month without smoking and then I’ll mark it complete, but that hasn’t happened. I still like to smoke occasionally, so I don’t know. I guess I’ll just leave it at 80% while I ponder it for a while. Do I really want to quit completely? I don’t know... It doesn’t seem to be harming me and I’m not addicted, so it feels okay to me. I think all that bothers me about it at this point is the judgment I receive from others; like my sister... Yeah, on second thought, I think I will mark this complete. It’s about pleasing myself, not others, and I am happy with where I am at right now. If I want to quit completely, I’ll just create a new goal, and I’ll do that.
Onto eating better; I’ve totally changed my eating habits and I’m going to go ahead and push that slider to complete. I could be somewhat more healthy, but I eat good foods most of the time; lots of whole grains, fruits and veggies. I have come up with all sorts of healthy snacks, greatly reduced my sugar intake (stopped drinking soda); I feel content with where I am at this point.
As far as changing of sexual habits goes, I basically mean to completely change my sexual nature as it has been shaped by the abuse and I am finding, this seems to be an impossible task. Should I just delete the goal? Maybe it isn’t a realistic goal; my arousal is linked to abuse, my sexuality shaped by abuse. I’m thinking that the goal should maybe change to “accept myself the way I am”... Can we ever really change this programming? Maybe it’s okay if this goal take a long time to achieve... I’ll keep it there. I can hope...