Title

Well, it seems like the only thing that makes me smile is seeing other people angry or sad. i feel then like i'm not alone, but then i just feel guilty. i can't help them because i am just as depressed as they are. i am just as angry and just as pissed. and i feel bad for getting pleasure from someone else's pain. i see my dr in like an hour and a half and i'm not sure what's going to happen. everyone says when i tell her i'm cutting myself that i'm going to be committed. i sure as fuck hope not. i don't want to be committed because i will most likely lose Ryan. he is so important to me and i don't want to lose him. i know that i'm getting help. being hospitalized might help me more than anything right now, but it would hurt my family in the long run. stupid ex husbands and courts don't see hospitalization for mental illness as a step in the right direction, they just see it as instability. i don't understand because the meds and drs and therapy is the only thing that can bring me stability.