yesterday
Yesterday I had a GREAT therapy session :) When I was telling joanna about the day and night before, she was actually laughing at how i acted and responded to my parents. Also at what i had said at that support group! I have never seen her laugh like that! She was ectatic with how i handled things and just purely said shit how it was!
Last night i was scheduled to work at arbor place from 1530-2330. When i went in a spoke with the head nurse (who does the hiring etc.) and told her that I did not feel as though the position was a good fit for me. She was very understanding. I told her that I can give her the two week notice, but I also wanted to be curtieous and not waste their resources. So I told her that since I am still in training, it may not even make sense for me to continue much longer since I am not going to need the training etc. She was very appreciative of what I said and told me that I can stay through the entire shift, or leave early. Or even work the weekend. She was very happy that I spoke to her and was honest, verses other people who she has hired that just don't show up to work. She even told me to stop by and say hi when I was in the area! So I left at 1930. I feel so relieved!
After I left I went to the McKee's house. Hung out with Blair, ate dinner and then hung out with the rest of the family until we had to pick up her sister. I had a lovely time.
Then I drove home. And hell broke loose. I could not find my apartment keys. Here is what I wrote while I was balling my eyes out in my car. Now i am sitting in my fucking car, in the fuckign parking lot outside my god damn mother fucking apartment. After I got all my shit out of my car, i went to grab my apartment keysa nd they were not there. I searched my car up and down and still can not find them anywhere. so now i am sitting in my god damn mother fucking shit hole of a car balling my eyes out. i have to piss so bad and i just want to die. i haven't cried like this in a while. i fucking hate my life. i quit. whats the point? i want to cut so fucking bad. i have nothing. i want to smoke. i have nothing. i want to drink. i have nothing. there isnt evena bar around here, then again i dont have any money either. FUCK THIS BULLSHIT. I am right, when thigns go so well for such a long time, they are bound to go down the shithole. It always happens.
I am stranded outside. and i look like a nasty fat ass boar. fuck it. i hate food. i hate everything but most of all i hate myself. i am such a fucking idiot. they better be in the apartment, otherwise i am fucked. how can i be so fucking stupid. what a dumb ass i am.
Last night i was scheduled to work at arbor place from 1530-2330. When i went in a spoke with the head nurse (who does the hiring etc.) and told her that I did not feel as though the position was a good fit for me. She was very understanding. I told her that I can give her the two week notice, but I also wanted to be curtieous and not waste their resources. So I told her that since I am still in training, it may not even make sense for me to continue much longer since I am not going to need the training etc. She was very appreciative of what I said and told me that I can stay through the entire shift, or leave early. Or even work the weekend. She was very happy that I spoke to her and was honest, verses other people who she has hired that just don't show up to work. She even told me to stop by and say hi when I was in the area! So I left at 1930. I feel so relieved!
After I left I went to the McKee's house. Hung out with Blair, ate dinner and then hung out with the rest of the family until we had to pick up her sister. I had a lovely time.
Then I drove home. And hell broke loose. I could not find my apartment keys. Here is what I wrote while I was balling my eyes out in my car. Now i am sitting in my fucking car, in the fuckign parking lot outside my god damn mother fucking apartment. After I got all my shit out of my car, i went to grab my apartment keysa nd they were not there. I searched my car up and down and still can not find them anywhere. so now i am sitting in my god damn mother fucking shit hole of a car balling my eyes out. i have to piss so bad and i just want to die. i haven't cried like this in a while. i fucking hate my life. i quit. whats the point? i want to cut so fucking bad. i have nothing. i want to smoke. i have nothing. i want to drink. i have nothing. there isnt evena bar around here, then again i dont have any money either. FUCK THIS BULLSHIT. I am right, when thigns go so well for such a long time, they are bound to go down the shithole. It always happens.
I am stranded outside. and i look like a nasty fat ass boar. fuck it. i hate food. i hate everything but most of all i hate myself. i am such a fucking idiot. they better be in the apartment, otherwise i am fucked. how can i be so fucking stupid. what a dumb ass i am.
Replies
I hope your day got better. Enjoy your weekend
wow, what a 360 turn in a day. great with therapy and really good about the understanding at work. where did you find your keys? are you still that angry? i hope you are calmer and in a better place. hugsss
Ok all the way to coming home was a perfect day. And then you let something like not finding your keys get you so out of control. I wish your psych would experience you like that because excuse the word choice this is not normal. Don\'t get me wrong, I would throw a fit too. But I wouldn\'t cry like crazy or even think of journaling about this and the f bomb, jesus f... christ. Because of a lost key you hate your life to the point to ask yourself what\'s the point, you want to smoke, drink and cut And then of course there is ed who tells you you are fat and that\'s the reason everything is going south. Did you have a phone on you? Could you have stayed with a friend or at a starbucks till Carlos got home? There are very upsetting things and there are catastrophies. And you experienced a very upsetting things and reacted like it was a catastrophie. Now calm the fuck down. Just kidding.
My keys were in my apartment. So I had to wait in my car for an hour for Carlos to get home from work.
No one was around me. Everyone livves far away. I did text with my friend but couldn\'t talk because I was crying os much.
Ok, that sucks but still I think you overreacted big time. Maybe keep a book in your car from now on or text like you did but without the panic.