today sucks.
woke up at 5am for no reason. woke up every hour for no reason and then eventually could not go back to sleep.
i dont want to do anything and i dont feel like anything is going to change my mood right now. i just dont give a flying fuck about anything or anyone. my two dog walks were fine today. i did stress out about looking at jobs etc. i am meeting with the owner of the dog walking company tomorrow to talk about getting more clients and to see hwo see got into the business.
saw jill. i was pissed. apparently my weight went down. but my food was good. i thought my food wasn't as good, but she said it was really good. sweet. then i got weighed and she said i needed to add supplements. fuck. i wanted to die. my mood did a complete 180 right then and there. 
I want to  try another week, like last, to see if I maintain or not. I want to know what the weight range that she is using is. I am paranoid that It is higher than what i think it should be. It's hard for me to believe that I dropped below that and it only makes sense to me that I would have to increase if it went outside the range.  How much did it really go down? What if it was just a false weight?  Why can I not just keep doing what I'm doing and let my weight goes where it goes? Isn't that what is supposed to happen?I am very upset by this and do not want to do this at all.  It is not anybody's fault, which is why I feel that what happens happens. If anything I am pissed at myself. Obviously if I were to start restricting it would be my fault. I don't want to add anything. I am sick and tired of food.
i suck at life and just want to quit. my eating has been shit today and i know its because im pissed and upset. 

Replies

ann54
ann54

hun, i am so sorry you are so upset. have you been eating all the food you are to eat? it is strange that you would of lost but maybe as the refeeding process continues your metabolism is back up and you are burning the food off. i dont know, as i have not gone through this. you absolutely DO NOT suck at life, just take a look at all you have accomplished and all that you are striving for. look at what you did, you followed up on owning your own business and i hope you will get good news, i know how much you want this. hugsss
deleted_user
deleted_user

It sucks when you lose weight and didn\'t even restrict. And having to supplement is the ultimate sucky thing. I would be just as pissed. That\'s why I weigh myself at home to make sure I don\'t lose more than a certain amount and on weigh days I always have extra big breakfasts and don\'t go pee until afterwards. I know that\'s kind of cheating. I just can\'t handle more food. I think my nutritionist has a 5 pound range. I hope that next week you can stop the ensure again. Maybe you were extra busy this week and lost a few extra cals.
Hope you get some more sleep tonight. hugs