i am in so much pain right now. it is not even funny. i am feeling so sick to my stomach right now. the past two days have been horrible food wise. i thought it got easier as time went on.
i just want to run from my body. escape my body. i am so disgusted with myself. i look like a beached whale and cant even phathom looking at myself. i must look absolutely grotesque. i am expanding in every which way. so gross. i am practically in tears.
i have done so well and i will continue to do well. i dont want to cry because i dont want to look weak. i have kept such a positive and upbeat attitude so that no one would see my weakness. i have been so good at refocusing myself from the fullness and disgust with my body. i just can't seem to rid that feeling this weekend.
i cant wait to leave, go back to joanna and jill, continue my meal plan, but actually be able to move. i feel if i can actually walk around that this feeling will ease up. or drive places. just being able to get out i strongly feel will be able to take my mind off of some things and allow the feelings to pass easier.
i just want to run from my body. escape my body. i am so disgusted with myself. i look like a beached whale and cant even phathom looking at myself. i must look absolutely grotesque. i am expanding in every which way. so gross. i am practically in tears.
i have done so well and i will continue to do well. i dont want to cry because i dont want to look weak. i have kept such a positive and upbeat attitude so that no one would see my weakness. i have been so good at refocusing myself from the fullness and disgust with my body. i just can't seem to rid that feeling this weekend.
i cant wait to leave, go back to joanna and jill, continue my meal plan, but actually be able to move. i feel if i can actually walk around that this feeling will ease up. or drive places. just being able to get out i strongly feel will be able to take my mind off of some things and allow the feelings to pass easier.
Replies
By all means cry, girlie. You have every reason too. What they are doing to your body is cruel but necessary and you have every right to cry. It hurts terribly until you reach the point when you are at the top of your refeeding and even then it hurts. I still have days I just want to scream that I\'m not fucking hungry and don\'t want to eat. Nobody questions your determination and will to recover just because you are crying. Ask for Malox. That is supposed to help immediately with the fullness. Sorry you have to suffer.
oh hun, cry, it is ok to cry, it isnt showing you are weak, it shows you are human, we all cry and you have done so much and holding back what you consider \"weaknes\", it is bound to come out, it needs too. i have never been through what you are going through, except through karin, and i cant imagine how painfull you must be, it sounds horrible. this feeling of hating your body and the pain is neccasary for recovery and you have been doing awesome!! you have been co-operating and your attitude towards recovery is great, do not deny yourself that. you inspire me. i hope you feel better soon and ask for that malox. many hugss and support. love ann