It's weird, I don't have any of the crazy emotions here that I have had constantly over the past months, even through last weekend. I believe it is partly due to the fact that everything is laid out here and structured. Though there are times I am extremely bored. Like right now. In regards to the emotions, it almost feels as I don't have any besides happy, bored, and tired. Yes I am incredibly full after meals and i don't want all the food, but I eat it because I know I need to. Tonight we had a 'cafeteria challenge'. They have the same food down there that we choose for our dinners up here (they have REALLY good food here, not nasty hospital shit...well the fish was a little oily and had a different seasoning and the roll was salty...but i'm picky lol). Anyways with the meal we had to go through a line, tell them what we want and how much and then sit down at a table. Our dietitians would then go through and make sure that everyone has the right amounts of the right foods. No problem for me. The surrounding wasn't a problem either- I like having more people around so I can people watch etc. When we came back and shared thoughts and feelings of the meal I said it was fine and I enjoyed a different enviornment...apparently no one else feels the same way so I felt really awkward. In nurtition education today, I was once again bored out of my mind. We talked and actually used real foods to deteremine portion sizes. I know that. My problem isn't determineing how much, or the right exchanges....just actually eating my meals and not skipping. I feel like I am beyond the others in regards to insight to nutrition and eating disorders and moods etc. I know how to differentiate things, I just choose not to. I feel awkard in the sense that I have been upbeat, energetic, talkative, and eating everything. I feel like I'm the odd man out and that people are going to think I don't belong here or am a fraud. I try to remember what Joanna told me in that 'I know why I am here and I need to focus on my goals and not compare myself to others'. That's fucking hard as shit though. Oh and I completed the autobiography and the second assignment. And it's probably a lot more writing than what he wished for! lol. I have my goals in mind. I am here to gain the weight I need to become mentally and physically stable (even though there are worse off here that are in the DAY program...wtf?!) and get my meds figured out so that I can go back to my team and do the real hard work again. And that's what I have done this day and exactly what I will continue to do. Ah I'm so thirsty...I hate that we can't drink much fluids. I don't care, I'm NOT going to eat less because of that. I'm just REALLY thirsty. Oh and this morning my psych was like, "um why are you on lamictal?" My response was, "fuck if I know, that's dr mitchell's doing, I don't want this much shit, hence why I switched psychs and am here. to get my damn meds figured out!" love to you all!!!!!!!!!!! me