12-22 strange meditation
In last nights meditation, the only thing that came to mind is a feeling - getting closer and closer. I felt like I kept trying to get out of a jar and then being stuffed back into the glass jar again. I felt like something was "squeezing" me . I felt like I was so close to knowing the secret - I felt scared. I also thought of needles.
** trigger warning start**
I felt an analogy between a shot being administered by a nurse or a dr, and sex. Something coming inside of you = and hurting, and you not moving - or being able to move - or that you should stay absolutely still. No concrete memory but I felt as though for some reason, they were simliar - and I'mn not sure why.
***trigger warning end**
Replies
Its hard when we have feelings, without the memories to put them in context. But it sounds like you are going in the right direction nikkole. I know its scary though. Healing is hard, but as I am told, so worth it in the end. We have lots in common, its good to know we are not alone in all of this. Keep doing what you are doing, at your own pace to feel safe. xxx
Nikkole,
Even though there are lots of ways to understand your feelings, no one can tell your story. Trust your body, trust yourself.
xx
SuzA
I had feelings/memories return this way too. They will sometimes come back in dribs and drabs so we are not completely overwhelmed by them.
Over time I learned to trust these feelings and memories as being the truth, and as I did that, I found the memories returned more completely. I know the memories and feelings are uncomfortable but allowing them in will move you forward. I think your meditations are amazing. You are able to connect with your girls very well even if you can't physically reach them all yet. Your girls are lucky to have such a loving and amazing 'mom' to help them heal. ((Hugs))
I have no insights to offer but I do offer my support and my belief in you and my belief in the truth of your feelings.
((hugs)) Nikkole.
What everyone else said.
Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts. Rubyblue - yes, it's so good to know i'm not alone and this website is absolutely god sent. SZ66 - LE- you both had themes of trust. I really appreciate being reminded - by people who have gone through something similar to trust. it's incredibly important to trust what I'm feeling - than you for the reminder. Thank you also DW, Dooo and Journal reader :)