thinking
When I am down and teary, Joe will ask me if I am okay. I tell him "I'm thinking". He knows what I mean. After 6 years it still hurts him that he can't make it better.
But this evening, I am thinking about this journey. It is 6.5 years. I am thinking that "I have come a long way baby". But I still fall in to the hole from time to time. The difference now is that I know that I will come out of that hole. Since I have had depression on and off for most of my life, I am hypersensitive to mood changes. It was downright scary at first. My son, Andrew and I made a pact the day Lisa died that neither of us would do anything stupid i.e. kill ourselves - depression runs in my family - Andrew has it too.
It wasn't easy in the beginning. I had lost my daughter, and best friend. She had my future planned out. I really felt like I suddenly had no future. How could I survive when I was living my worst nightmare? Even today, I wonder about my future. My son, God bless him, will do his very best to ensure that we have a comfortable dotage, but it will not be the same. I know I am blessed to have a loving (though eccentric) son.
So I am thinking how lucky I am to have found For Moms Only. I think Lisa led me here very early on. I was sitting at her kitchen table when I felt the need to find someone who understood, and I found Dally Strength, and the next day there was a message from Barbara suggesting that FMO might be able to help me. Yes, Lisa knew what I needed. I am sure she and Barbara are good friends.
I am thinking of the retreat in October. Branson Landing: October 7 - 9. I am so looking forward to a wonderful weekend of healing.
Our motto this year is 'They want us to be happy. Live, love, laugh'. Lisa loved to laugh. She too suffered from depression - but her greatest joy was to make people laugh. Her friends remember her as the one who could light up the room; the one who knew just what to say when they were down. I miss her soooo much.
I am sitting here sipping wine with tears of sadness and joy - thankful that I have a place where I can express how I feel. I am blessed.
Lisa: You sang to me this evening. I heard you. You know I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy
But this evening, I am thinking about this journey. It is 6.5 years. I am thinking that "I have come a long way baby". But I still fall in to the hole from time to time. The difference now is that I know that I will come out of that hole. Since I have had depression on and off for most of my life, I am hypersensitive to mood changes. It was downright scary at first. My son, Andrew and I made a pact the day Lisa died that neither of us would do anything stupid i.e. kill ourselves - depression runs in my family - Andrew has it too.
It wasn't easy in the beginning. I had lost my daughter, and best friend. She had my future planned out. I really felt like I suddenly had no future. How could I survive when I was living my worst nightmare? Even today, I wonder about my future. My son, God bless him, will do his very best to ensure that we have a comfortable dotage, but it will not be the same. I know I am blessed to have a loving (though eccentric) son.
So I am thinking how lucky I am to have found For Moms Only. I think Lisa led me here very early on. I was sitting at her kitchen table when I felt the need to find someone who understood, and I found Dally Strength, and the next day there was a message from Barbara suggesting that FMO might be able to help me. Yes, Lisa knew what I needed. I am sure she and Barbara are good friends.
I am thinking of the retreat in October. Branson Landing: October 7 - 9. I am so looking forward to a wonderful weekend of healing.
Our motto this year is 'They want us to be happy. Live, love, laugh'. Lisa loved to laugh. She too suffered from depression - but her greatest joy was to make people laugh. Her friends remember her as the one who could light up the room; the one who knew just what to say when they were down. I miss her soooo much.
I am sitting here sipping wine with tears of sadness and joy - thankful that I have a place where I can express how I feel. I am blessed.
Lisa: You sang to me this evening. I heard you. You know I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy
Replies
Marlene, I am totally with you on this. My son, Jared, passed two weeks before Lisa and of course it still hurts, and I miss him so very much. And I too fall into the \"abyss\" ever so often, and I also know now that those declines are temporary. Yes, we have come a long way, haven\'t we?
My oldest daughter, Celeste, found the FMO site for me. She looked through so many different sites and thought this one would be best for me. And she was right. I\'m sorry that I had the need for FMO, but I am glad that I was able to meet and connect with all the wonderful friends here.
I am looking forward to this retreat. It will be my 7th one, and I find that every one of them has been special in a unique and memorable way.
Jared sounds a lot like Lisa. He also loved to make people laugh, a real comedian he was, although he also suffered from depression. He was a good counselor and mediator when it came to lifting people up and resolving conflicts. Sigh...
Well, my friend, I look forward to seeing you and Joe again. Maybe we can go for another delicious breakfast! :)
Love and Peace,
Diane
A friend of mine found the web site for Daily Strength and I signed up and Barbara found me and invited me to FMO. Here I am a mist women who have the same common denominator Without the support of all the women here I would hate to know what kind of mess I would be.
Mike was full of fun, enjoyed kids and was very happy when he told me I was going make me a Grand ma again.
Sending tight hugs
Penny
Thank you for sharing some of the same thoughts I have. Losing my only child, my Jennifer, who is going to take of me, now? SIGH.......Life does go on and one step at a time and this priceless group of moms who carry me through and give me hope.
((((hugs)))) Vicki
Oh...you sound just like what I am thinking...thank you, it helps so very much to feel like I am not the only one.
I love you Marlene! I hope to make it to Branson this year but it does not look too hopeful, what with moving and all.
Beautifully expressed Marlene. I think that each of us were lead hear by our children. My friends here have saved me so many times. Always there with words of encouragement when those dark days hit. We are so blessed that we have you too. Your devotion to FMO helps the legacy continue. Love you friend.
Beautiful journal, that spoke to my heart. I lost my husband Sam, 10 1/2 yrs. ago. There were no support groups in my town at that time. My cousin is the one who got me to go online and look for one. I had just gotten my 1st computer and she and I did the online searching together. I found Daily Stregnth and realized they had a support for everything, from A to Z. I found a group for widows and widowers and cuz found one for Reynards desease.
When Dean died, cuz went online to tell my friends what had happened. When I was able to think straight enough to go back online to DS, there were many, many people from FMO, leaving me hugs and friend requests. I can\'t begin to tell you what that meant to me.
I know that many of us have connected on FB and I enjoy that too. However, my heart and loyalty remain here, with my soth. The great\'est group of ladies I have ever met...
This group was and has been my life savor...As you 6 1/2 years yet the pain can return overwhelming...Thinking of you.