After the events on Friday I broke up with him (after he started going on about breaking up AGAIN, after he got nasty about yet another non-issue) and I cancelled our relationship on FB. He didn't realise it, I was dreading him realising it whole weekend but he didn't.
He thought he had the upper hand when he said this morning that he had a confession: that he broke our relationship on FB. I told him he couldn't have, as I did that on Friday. It turned out he NUKED me as his friend! It hurt so much I burst out in tears. He said that we are clearly still friends and it was just stupid FB and that he did it because he was mad at me??? WTF??? He was the one who was nasty to me and didn't talk to me whole day on Sunday while I cowered in the living room to keep out of his way so I don't upset him.
Why does it hurt so much that he nuked our friendship on FB? I put so much effort into this relationship, spent almost a year helping him trying to solve his issues, listened to him, gave him all my love, help and advice, my best. He just got more and more abusive. And then he nukes ME as a friend on FB?? Is it just my ego? But this really hurts and bugs me.
And then he tells me after I said how much he hurt me and that I feel like I didn't cause or deserve any if this, that he hates himself for f*cking up the best thing that ever happened to him, that he doesn't know why he does it and he wants to stop but doesn't know how. I don't get it. Surely if you want to stop doing something, you can? He said he gas noone to talk to. I asked why he didn't talk to his friends (he has no friends in the UK, where we live, and 2 friends only in the US, where he is from), or his parents. He had a very frightened reaction, and said his dad would probably disown him and tell him that he is weak and a failure. I think he constantly judges himself through his dad's eyes and standards, and puts himself under massive amount of pressure, partly the reason why he f*cks up.
Arghh, god, I have to stop finding excuses for him and explain why he does what he does. The bottom line is, only he can change his behaviour, as and when he chooses to. I know it in my head, I know I need to break free from him. So why does my heart ache so bad and how can I still love him and crave his affection?
He thought he had the upper hand when he said this morning that he had a confession: that he broke our relationship on FB. I told him he couldn't have, as I did that on Friday. It turned out he NUKED me as his friend! It hurt so much I burst out in tears. He said that we are clearly still friends and it was just stupid FB and that he did it because he was mad at me??? WTF??? He was the one who was nasty to me and didn't talk to me whole day on Sunday while I cowered in the living room to keep out of his way so I don't upset him.
Why does it hurt so much that he nuked our friendship on FB? I put so much effort into this relationship, spent almost a year helping him trying to solve his issues, listened to him, gave him all my love, help and advice, my best. He just got more and more abusive. And then he nukes ME as a friend on FB?? Is it just my ego? But this really hurts and bugs me.
And then he tells me after I said how much he hurt me and that I feel like I didn't cause or deserve any if this, that he hates himself for f*cking up the best thing that ever happened to him, that he doesn't know why he does it and he wants to stop but doesn't know how. I don't get it. Surely if you want to stop doing something, you can? He said he gas noone to talk to. I asked why he didn't talk to his friends (he has no friends in the UK, where we live, and 2 friends only in the US, where he is from), or his parents. He had a very frightened reaction, and said his dad would probably disown him and tell him that he is weak and a failure. I think he constantly judges himself through his dad's eyes and standards, and puts himself under massive amount of pressure, partly the reason why he f*cks up.
Arghh, god, I have to stop finding excuses for him and explain why he does what he does. The bottom line is, only he can change his behaviour, as and when he chooses to. I know it in my head, I know I need to break free from him. So why does my heart ache so bad and how can I still love him and crave his affection?
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