101.5
So all I have to be tomorrow is 100.0 and fuck when I weighed myself today it was 101.5 Grrrr.
This morning I was planning to go to my father inlaws house to reorganzie the basement for him. LOTS of stuff. He has MILLIONS of books! But due to a project with his company were various staff members did not fullfil their duties, he had to spend the whole day working on that so it could be presented tomorrow.
I haven't stuck to my plan because I freaked out at 101.5 I know I have leeway with the scale tomorrow, so I'm not worried.
I reorganzied and cleaned our apartment from top to bottom today. Did laundry, cooked, did everything to keep me busy.
had tons of energy...then dead...then energy...then dead..now depressed and sad. don't wanna do anything.
carlos just told me that my parents looked in my Anxiety Work book. Great. now i have to look in that to see what I wrote.
2 positive things this weekend:
1) over 100
2) decided to not decrease meds even though i wanted to (shows initiative and that im trying)
3) i am joing an eating disorders support group on tuesday nights (shows initiative and effort to get better)
I know joanna is going to ask me what I was to talk about/work on tomorrow. I don't know. Should I say anger? I don't know. I feel like everything is just related to being a low weight. Maybe controlling my emotions and putting a barrier between me and what I say? Maybe to work on how to get away from being needy or dependent upon others? Try to explore ways for me NOT to want attention or the focus to be on me.
IDEAS anyone! Please!!!
This morning I was planning to go to my father inlaws house to reorganzie the basement for him. LOTS of stuff. He has MILLIONS of books! But due to a project with his company were various staff members did not fullfil their duties, he had to spend the whole day working on that so it could be presented tomorrow.
I haven't stuck to my plan because I freaked out at 101.5 I know I have leeway with the scale tomorrow, so I'm not worried.
I reorganzied and cleaned our apartment from top to bottom today. Did laundry, cooked, did everything to keep me busy.
had tons of energy...then dead...then energy...then dead..now depressed and sad. don't wanna do anything.
carlos just told me that my parents looked in my Anxiety Work book. Great. now i have to look in that to see what I wrote.
2 positive things this weekend:
1) over 100
2) decided to not decrease meds even though i wanted to (shows initiative and that im trying)
3) i am joing an eating disorders support group on tuesday nights (shows initiative and effort to get better)
I know joanna is going to ask me what I was to talk about/work on tomorrow. I don't know. Should I say anger? I don't know. I feel like everything is just related to being a low weight. Maybe controlling my emotions and putting a barrier between me and what I say? Maybe to work on how to get away from being needy or dependent upon others? Try to explore ways for me NOT to want attention or the focus to be on me.
IDEAS anyone! Please!!!
Replies
How about that you are not serious with your ed recovery because you already manipulate the progress you have made. Being 100 will not do anything and you freaking out at 101.5 just shows that ed rules.
WTF are your parents doing reading your anxiety book. Have they heard of privacy?
i truly couldny say it any better then karin. as we talked yesterday, i feel you are just doing tis to get out of ip and then will lose the weight again.as siad above you are crazy about 101.5, and you worked like crazy yesterday to keep \"busy\", do you realize how many calories you burned off, more then consumed im sure. i thought they wanted you to be 102, i must be mistaken. get a new journal you can lock, and keep the asholes out of your business, why were they even there when you werent? you have to put up some kind of wall between your mother and yourself, so toxic.
it starts today..100..then next monday 102... then 104...etc
Why not get ahead a little. Your goal is 110, so the sooner the better.
I can\'t believe that your parents did not respect your privacy - OR that Carlos let them do that. Totally unacceptable. I am so sorry that this happened. I would definitely lock it up or put it where prying eyes can\'t find it. Can you address this with them?
I know the weight sucks but you are moving forward as you should be so I don\'t get why you are not even a bit happy. Don\'t you want to get better? Are you doing this for yourself or to get others off of your back? Make sure that you are doing it for yourself as you deserve this and it should be for you. You know?