catching up
wow, another whole month has gone since I wrote anything in my journal. How does the time get away from me? oh yeah...I bury myself in mindless video games.
I am back from vacation. I drove to Tucson to visit my mom for a week. It is an awful 14 hour drive that I hope not to repeat again. My body hurts in places I did not know existed LOL. I planned on not being on myself for not writing and keeping up til I saw it had been a whole month again. crap.
I spent a lot of time thinking about my life while I was gone and have more questions than answers. This time when I went back it did not feel immediately like returning home. I am beginning to think that I just don't belong anywhere anymore. It was unusually cool and windy for this time of year in Tucson. Strange to come home and have it be so much hotter here than there. My boyfriend finally found a job and so I had to go alone. I missed my animals terribly and they are very glad to have me back home.
today is my first day returning to work and I do so with dread but a calm resolve. I am not going to let that place make me miserable. I need to find a way to push myself to get my certifications so I can look for another job. If I spent as much time studying as I do in retarded games where might I be now? I know they are an anxiety coping mechanism but after I feel I have wasted so much time. I think I have my cardiologist appt. this week and hope they will have some answers although it is probably going to be bad news. I had some awful moments driving. For some reason fast change in elevation puts an awful pressure on my chest. Coming down the hill into Indio and again into tehachapi I thought I might pass out while I was driving. not good obviously.
Suddenly my boyfriend feels that working again entitles him to drink a few beers each evening. Last night I am sure he was having two for each one I saw and right after eating in the middle of his favorite show he fell asleep on the floor...about 7pm and never woke up til sometime in the night. Yes, I just left him there. I am not his mommy. I wish often that I did not love him so much. I have more to say but the time is getting short and I don't want to be late my first day back.
For my friends here that are struggling though some awful stuff while I have been gone. Big hugs and apologies for not being around.
have a great Monday
I am back from vacation. I drove to Tucson to visit my mom for a week. It is an awful 14 hour drive that I hope not to repeat again. My body hurts in places I did not know existed LOL. I planned on not being on myself for not writing and keeping up til I saw it had been a whole month again. crap.
I spent a lot of time thinking about my life while I was gone and have more questions than answers. This time when I went back it did not feel immediately like returning home. I am beginning to think that I just don't belong anywhere anymore. It was unusually cool and windy for this time of year in Tucson. Strange to come home and have it be so much hotter here than there. My boyfriend finally found a job and so I had to go alone. I missed my animals terribly and they are very glad to have me back home.
today is my first day returning to work and I do so with dread but a calm resolve. I am not going to let that place make me miserable. I need to find a way to push myself to get my certifications so I can look for another job. If I spent as much time studying as I do in retarded games where might I be now? I know they are an anxiety coping mechanism but after I feel I have wasted so much time. I think I have my cardiologist appt. this week and hope they will have some answers although it is probably going to be bad news. I had some awful moments driving. For some reason fast change in elevation puts an awful pressure on my chest. Coming down the hill into Indio and again into tehachapi I thought I might pass out while I was driving. not good obviously.
Suddenly my boyfriend feels that working again entitles him to drink a few beers each evening. Last night I am sure he was having two for each one I saw and right after eating in the middle of his favorite show he fell asleep on the floor...about 7pm and never woke up til sometime in the night. Yes, I just left him there. I am not his mommy. I wish often that I did not love him so much. I have more to say but the time is getting short and I don't want to be late my first day back.
For my friends here that are struggling though some awful stuff while I have been gone. Big hugs and apologies for not being around.
have a great Monday
Replies
You have goals -- that is HUGE. Tony Robbins shared how if we \'immerse\' ourselves in whatever we desire to become it will happen. Time for you to jump right on in and have a good swim with the goal of certification. I\'ve jumped into the pool of becoming a securities analyst. With my 3.80 GPA and over 70 units of completed coursework back before illness hit when I was well on my way to becoming a CPA -- well, a securities analyst may make money just by being connected to the internet meaning I can make money in spite of the limitations my illness places on my life -- WOO HOO for sure!!! If I become good enough at it I can truly rake in a lot of money but it is nothing quick but we CAN AND WILL reach out dreams because they are our goals and LIFE.
Go for it -- look up the requirements for those certifications you desire and hook up with on-line support groups of those professionals working in that area. You are not alone and WILL do this!!!
:-) Patricia