Monday

I have not written anything in my journal in quite a while.  So much has been happening and I think if I put it down I might have jinxed it.  I am moving into an apartment by the end of the month.  He is upset but willing to help me so I do not have to face the challenge of moving myself.  I have talked about doing this for so many years that I think I was afraid I was going to back out.  I think this time it is going to happen though.  I have already put down my deposit and bought some things I will need like dishes.  after ten years of being together our whole household is merged..there is no longer two of everything. here.  There is a lot of tears for both of us but I told him this does not have to be the end.   I only signed a 6 month lease and we can see where things are at then.  I have no real hope he will quit drinking but it makes him feel better and he has been so sweet the past couple of weeks.  I know he is hoping I will change my mind but I know if I did after a few weeks we would be right back where we are now...that is the pattern.  I am looking forward to trying to maintain my own place again.  I think LOL.