I'm still here.  I watch each weekend and notice how most of my DS friends are away with their real lives on the weekend.  I started to have an anxiety attack earlier.  Why is it when I know we will be alone all weekend and no kids it always comes.  Maybe I don't have enough to do...maybe I have too much to do.  It's only 9 fifteen but he's been asleep nearly an hour now.  I'm always alone battling the anxiety.  I want to talk to him about US when he's sober...now I will wait til tomorrow.  He didn't drink very much tonight but the anxiety robs me of all confidence. Once I become so agitated that I cannot sit down..then any other plans I make go out the window. Even now I wonder if I will be able to relax enough to sleep.  I am so tired..but that little piece of panic is still hiding in the background.  It never leaves..not really.  This is what I have become.  Still, I will try to go through the routine..one of the few things of comfort when the anxiety comes is following a routine..why it should be a comfort I have no idea...but I will..then I will lay down and hope for some rest.  Is this it?  Is this all my life will be from now on?  Then it is no wonder I am so sad all the time.  How do you make a life with someone who PREFERS to sleep away from you.  Still, I am only a shadow of who I used to be and where would I go anyway?  A couple of my friends have been urging me to leave and find someone who cherishes me.  They have the best of intentions but most of them did not know me before I became sick....and they rarely see me at times of high anxiety.  They don't realize no one would want what I have become.

Replies

1Patriciann
1Patriciann

Routine provides us with a sense of stability. This is not \'it\' but is just right now. Change is ongoing - even when we wish it were not. You are on your life\'s journey. His sleeping \'patterns\' may change over time.

Exercise, meditation along with eating healthy and over time the rest will work out. You are accomplishing more than you realized. Give yourself the time needed to achieve your goals. You really are a very bright, capable person that is accomplishing some very worthwhile goals. Give yourself credit for all you are working at achieving.

You are in transition and that is always painful but it is necessary to get to where we need to be in life.

Take very good care and put all of your energy into what you can make better and simply let go of the rest for right now.

((hugs))
:-) Patricia
weinere46
weinere46

Your wrong.