How do i even begin to describe the ups and downs of yesterday? I am not good at dealing with my mom and after sharing a hotel room for 4 days i was at the end of my patience. The pain level was highand made me even more cranky. It was good to talk to my friend here yesterday but that is just another illusion. Im still on my own. My moms roommate had been hanging up on her all weekend and is refusing to pay his part of the rent. When we got home he was higher than a kite. As we drove up one of the dogs was loose in the front yard..not a good sign. He came out acting friendly and helped take her bag in. I asked if she wanted me to stay. She said no so i headed home. I did not even get one exit down before she told me to come back. I called my boyfriend..told him i needed backup. He said he was coming and not to go inside without him. I could hear the yelling though so i went in anyway. I have to admit i almost felt a small bit like my old self for a few minutes as he got in my face and started yellinge at me clearly tweaked out on something besides the waves of pot smoke rolling out. I just kept thinking if i could get him to hit me he would be done and i could get him out of there. He actually tried to order me to leave. Yeah right mother fucker u dont mess with my mom.

Funny how the moment my boyfriend arrives he gets quiet and leaves. I wish i knew a way to get him out legally

So we finally go home...i say have u been painting? He tells me close my eyes and leads me back i to the bathroom. He has painted..new sink..new lightfixture ..it a minimakeover. He asks me if i like it and i have to admit it looks beautiful. We go back outside so i can have a smoke. He says now he needs to borrow some money since it cost more than he planned. Im just looking at him thinking was he not listening? He knows paying for the hotel and rental car wiped me out. Im already worrying about groceries. Oh god what else? Its pouring rain by then and i decide not to go to school. We order a pizza. When we are done eating i lean over and lay my head on his shoulder. He is watching tv. After a full two minutes i realize hes not going to acknowledge me so i it up. Why won,t he hold me?