Monday

monday , back to work.  At least I enjoy my job.  He slept on the couch again.  He says he just has trouble sleeping and doesn't want to keep me up but I know that's crap.  I started thinking about how short on cash I am this week and how he came back from his business trip in Reno having won 1000.00 and gave me 300.00 toward my new laptop fund (since mine died and isn't worth fixing)  Then I realized that I had given him 250.00 earlier in the week to get him through cause he was short.  so really I guess he gave me 50.00 towards the laptop fund since now I am short and I have to buy groceries tonight and there's still a week til payday.  I guess it was well intended even if it only brought things a little more than even. Of course I have another 200.00 bill on my jcpenney where I bought his kids clothes.  Oh and there is the 700 on my visa that I used to cover his ass when a customer didn't pay him for the order he let him take without paying so he wouldn't get fired. Does he even realize I feel taken advantage of?  Probably not.  But hey, He's got money for beer.  I am looking forward to my trip to AZ to see my mom although I wanted to be able to get the Rodeo checked out before I drive 730 miles.  I am not going to have the money for that either and have no idea where I'm going to get gas money and still pay our bills that are due but I'm GOING.  I need to get away and I need a little vacation even though it won't be very restful.  I feel tired and bummed out.  It's raining again but hey it matches my mood and we need the water.  I've been thinking about our friends Michael and Diane and how they have been having a really hard time with their marriage and since he confides a lot in my boyfriend I get to hear some of what is going on.  He's so worried about them.  He talks about whether mike asks di if she's happy and what was the answer.  funny, he never asks me if I am happy or are we ok. He's such an ostrich when it comes to things like that.  I guess that's what alcoholics do though...bury things with alcohol. Then again, my counselor says I'm a "stuffer" and that I stuff everything into the closet until there's no more room and it bursts open and voila!  Anxiety Attack.  Ummm ...maybe.. ha ha  Ok...server maintenance here I come. I owe...so off to work i go..