1 year crisis

Wow how high on endorfin was I in the last journal? Anyway.  I´m doing good. Or no Im not. But not as bad as before. I haven´t been this homesick since my first month here. I can not talk my friends and family without crying my eyes out afterwards. Don´t get me wrong. I LOVE IT HERE. But going home in mars will be good. I´m ready. Even if I do wanna stay I want to go home more. Go on with my life. It´s not just homesickness though, it´s a mix of everything. Right now Im fighting myself, my worst enemy.  I just.... ugh. I just don´t know what to do with some stuff, having a hard time putting the past in the past and keeping it there. I also am a little tierd of (alot) my hostparents putting my hostdads and my problem all on me. It´s all my fault. I´m the quiet rude one. Yeah sure. But don´t they also have to adjust to who I am instead of expecting me to change everything? I´m working on my socialskills and I never mean to be rude. Never. And they know it. But to me talking to someone I don´t really know, Even if I´ve lived a year with him, I only see him 5 minutes at night and then on the weekends I´m not home. It´s not easy. I mean ofcourse I talk to him but to keep a converstation going. I SUCK at it. It´s not something I can just do. It´s not something I can change overnight. I´ve been very silent and very very much just by myself for 6 years and now Im getting better! But he  need to stop taking stuff personally. Stuff that has nothing to do with him! NOTHING. NADA! They need to realise that just because they think I think something it´s not necessarily true.  Whatever. Don´t get me wrong. My hostfamily is awesomey but there just some stuff that drives me crazy.  Im rambling as usual. Gonna go now bye