1 month

So today marks one month sober.  I am feeling really solid in my willpower and decision not to drink.  I am really grateful to have gotten my online teaching job back and worked a lot this month and will be getting a decent paycheck coming up.  I also have some other things I'm working on to make money online, and I have accomplished some of the first steps although I am still nervous and daunted about executing it all.  But focusing on the doubt is not going to bring about the things I desire.  So I will attempt to work on solutions, and parse everything up into bite size pieces.  I also did a deep clean of my cabin the other day and it feel so nice.  Everyday I am grateful to be in nature, to be alone, to have my cat....to have this freedom and independence is so relaxing and soothing.  Just need to get my work flow going.

I also have two boys I am seeing and they have inspired me so much.  They are both so powerful and beautiful and SOBER!  really, they are quite impressive people and so *hot*.  i do not say hot lightly either.  I knew that with all the shit I put up with, all the pain I've felt, all the injustice I have been dealt over the past decade when it has come to relationships, I held onto the hope in the back of my mind that the men or man I would end up with would be so amazing that it would make all the pain worth it.  Something like that.  I am in a new place with my goals and thinking and now it is attrating those who also vibrate at that wavelenght, so to speak. People who really take hold of their destiny and make shit happen, yet have healthy habits without sacrificing true experience and edginess.  I meet people with healthy habits but they feel like puritans, or just so boring I guess.  haha.  

Anyway, I am going to get started on working on some of my projects right now.  I also have been working at the language school up the street and it has been a nice change.  I fought off two really intense cravings for alcohol in the past month.  Like, I had decided I was going to drink and I just kept fighting it and fighting it and not giving in.  And of course in the morning I was so happy.  Sometimes I think counting the days is futile, but this time around I am counting.  I have more pride and commitment when I take the days into account.