its very hard to say no isnt it, especially when you dont want an unhappy day

sunny......I want to say just one thing....by your actions you are making your situation worse.

NO...NO...NO......

You need to reflect...seriously...

I KNOW I KNOW - Im so cross with myself.

This was my chance to set a boundary and I missed it.
Bad Husband behaviour - can't even think of a word for him right now, conceited, arrogant….and I let it happen.

I then spent the rest of the day kicking myself and feeling terrible and wondering just how he thinks he can behave like that - and also how I can let him.

disappointed in me right now.

limit your interaction with him....means...speak less with him and journalise every conversation to see its content.

Pardon me for asking this... but are your disagreements just about sex or he is a generally an arrogant person...wanting things to be his way always?

Oh his way or no way. ALways. ALthough he doesn't see this about himself.

His parents told me a story the other day about him walking home from school and seeing someone had put a baby outside in the pram for some sun and fresh air…he knocked on the door of the house and pushed the pram into the house telling the Mother it was not nice for the baby to be out in the cold….
he was 16 then.
I was speechless, they thought it funny. I was horrified at his arrogance at thinking he knew better than the mother…..

that sums him up really - he is now 56 and obviously thinks he still knows best.

ok......sure it will be difficult to change him...

Now try a different approach....just everyday...for next ten days...may be 30.....write in this thread only.....conversations which put you off..and which reflect an arrogant side of him..or he having his way. In the meanwhile try pamering yourself...one act of kindness towards yourself...it can be having coffee listening to some nice music...and teliing yourself that.....I will take charge of my life..and I will have a wonderful life ahead....surely..( and yes you can smile on demand sometimes :-))

one act of kindness towards yourself...a day...

Ok thanks Kuhu.
xxxx

And WHY do men think that the more hours they take feels good? It doesn't, it hurts and sometimes makes you sore for days and they think that's a GOOD thing, somehow boosts their ego. My ex was the same way, just annoying and why do you want to be sore? Then had you said no, the two hours wasn't good enough??? If not, is anything good enough? He would have pouted all day. Can't win so what did you get out of the deal? wishing it was over and giving him an ego boost and probably pretending you were enjoying it and you weren't? Then probably sore today? That's what it always got me!

msobol….yes thats how it is today exactly!

It reminds me a bit of the joke…why do women fake orgasm?…to get back to whatever they were doing quicker!

Im still cross with myself, I don't know why I can't stand up to him. Jeeez. Next time I vow, this will NOT happen again, if I post this has happened again then tell me!

He is so passive aggressive today too, he even turned the radio up in the car to drown me out as he didn't want to discuss this. grrrr.

That makes me feel that he is 'my way or no way'….if it isn't going to happen his way he refuses point blank to discuss it anymore.

Have no idea how to respond to that!!!

Sunny, you have a voice, and a mind of your own. You were complicit in your physical action in staying put and going along with it . He did not force you nor did he rape you. I am sorry if this sounds a little harsh...... No from any woman means NO. I agree with Kuhu..... NO, NO , NO !

I think that there are times when we say yes because we are saying no to something else. You were saying no to a day of his bad attitude. I offer you compassion for that must have been a difficult yes that you gave.

Could you consider saying no to what you don't want and yes to his bad attitude or in whatever way he will find to punish you. Sometimes it is those yes's that finally free us.

I say no now when I mean no and I understand that I will be saying yes to the silent treatment, yes to him finding ways to get me back....yesterday I walked out of the room because he was trying to start an argument. It took some strength and he was yelling as I walked out of the room. I felt shaky and unsure of myself. I wondered how he would respond. Much later that day after he ignored me for a couple of hours he told me he was sorry for being a jerk. while he was pouting I turned on some music, did my hair, put on a dress that made me feel sexy, and steam vac my carpet. I said yes you can act like an ass, yes you can disapprove, yes you can make little subtle comments about me, yes you can ignore me and withhold, yes I can be scared that you will leave, yes I can be scared that you will not approve, yes I can be scared that I will be alone.
But I said no..NO I wont play this game, no I wont allow you to verbally abuse me, no I wont do what you want so you will leave me alone. No I wont act like what I want and who I am does not matter. No I wont act like you have power and I have none.

I would have done the same thing you did, sunny, even if I didn't really want to. I have sometimes thought of needing to make compromises in a relationship, to think of it as 'work sex' and even then, I have usually 'gotten into it' after it began. That said, if you REALLY did not want to do this and you felt pressured to do what he wants, this is a big issue. Maybe there isn't much you can do this time, but next time, try to remember how you felt today and stand your ground. Loving and patient, but firm in your resolve. Take care of you first. xo

What would the "fall out" have been if you had said no and gotten up.

Fall out…oh sulks, spite, silence.