Thanks so much for the infomation on socio vs psycho! That made a lot of sense to me. It has been a long road of hard work to recover from my 15 year association with a psychopath. Now that I have more distance and a healthier perspective, I sometimes get chills when I think of how I willingly put myself in harm's way....over and over and over again.

I always thought that I deserved to be treated with care, respect, and kindness. For years I sacrificed everything and focused on trying to get a psychopath to possess that ability. It was such a shock when I finally understood that I had to be the first one to have love, care, respect and kindness for myself before I would be able to foster that treatment in a healthy relationship.

Harmony, this was an awesome link that fostered several new friendships and encouraged more communication. SusyP said it best.
((hugs))

Thank you onthemend10 the feedback has been awesome from all of you. And susyP and her information are so informative .The human mind and how it works hey is mindblowing.

These articles all apply . . except mine didn't abandon me, being the clinger. He clung, like a tick on a dog, 24/7, the whole jealousy, possession, ownership thing and to lose the women he (in his sick mind) can't trust anyways, still devastates him beyond rational imagination.

My x even treats our daughter like shit - 'cuz in his mind, she, being 'female' can't be trusted either. His comments to her are so accusing and degrading and he absolutely cannot tolerate her having a boyfriend - he won't even come into the house if the boyfriend's car is in the parking lot. His dad treated his sister the very same way.

Sick, sick, sick! That's why he wasn't hateful to my face, because when he was with me, I was the 'good woman' but when he wasn't with me and his crazy mind ran wild, I was the bad, untrustworthy, capable of infidelity woman and it was only via the phone and occasionally what he would say to the kids that the hateful, jealous, evil part of him would speak out.

OK - somewhere I read and now I can't find it . . .but the part that they are more attracted to us in the beginning and because they press in hard, we respond and get swept up, thinking / feeling like we're loved.

Looking back at the three 'wow' relationships I've been in, the first one I was absolutely best friends with - he was total N - outlaw biker. The second, my H, I didn't like at all when I first met him. yuck, spit, yuck, spit!

The 3rd can't qualify as a relationship at all, but always like, always laughed with . . . attracted to?

You see, I have a huge deep seeded feeling that I am not loveable . . therefore when anyone shows affection . . I am surprised. I am a natural leader and I talked with my therapist about this - I told him 'it is a phenomenon . . because I don't have any idea why people notice and respect me without knowing me . . but it has happened over and over and over again in my life and I've repeatedly been approached to move into leadership positions'. He said 'it is because you carry an air of self-confidence and you're assertive without being authoritative. I could see that the first time I talked with you and others see that, too. That is the good you got from your father's support of you.'

So, on top of everything else, I must wrestly this feeling of being unloveable so I know what the hell I'm feeling! (towards a man or a relationship) - so that I am not just responding to the surprise / shock that someone is attracted to me . . . like OMG - can I please get off of my head and stand on my feet, please?

Yes, they do the same behaviors with all partners, why? Because they are incapable of learning anything new. They don't learn from mistakes because they don't self reflect. In their eyes they are PERFECT. Its their own illusion used to cope with their inability for feel real emotions. A psychopath can only fake and pretend to be empathetic, they can't feel it. They mimic others.

The person I loved never existed. I deluded myself. He is a hollogram.