or rather..he talked, and I feel like a fool for listening to him and now more confused than ever. :(

I was leaving my house this morning for work and he was parked accross the street. I pretended I didn't see him but that seemed so silly as his pick up takes up half the street. After I strapped my son in to his booster and made my way to the driver's seat, he had already gotten out of his truck and was only feet away from me. We made eye contact and it's like everything I had worked so hard for during the past few weeks vanished. He said hello to my son and then kissed me on the cheek. He asked if we could talk. ok. I drove my son to daycare, he followed. We stopped at a cafe. Of course I'm now late for work so what the hell. It was real tense for a few minutes. Neither one of us said a word. And then everything just spewed out of him and I couldn't get a word in edgewise even if I wanted to.
Basically it went like this: He said he knows he hasn't made it easy for me and he doesn't understand how I've managed to stay this long. He said he doesn't want to lose me but has no idea how to keep me either. He said I'm the only person who has never attempted to change him although he's aware he does need to change. He asked if I'm seeing some one else. I said no. He said he doesn't know how to love me the way I deserve, the way I love him. He spoke of his cousins and his best friend who are all married with kids. He said how he admires them and how easy it seems for them to live the way they do..selflessly. No fear or boundaries. And he said he wants that more than anything. I listened. I nodded. I wanted to smack him and smother him with kisses all at once.
It was a short interraction..I didn't give much feedback. As I got up to leave he asked me where we stand. I told him that I love him but I can't do what weve been doing anymore. He said he doesn't either. He said he loves me. I left.
f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck!!!!!!!!!!