Nutjob is a too kind a word for this guy.

How long has this been going on, I am curious as I have been playing this game with someone for 6 years however I believe this time he may be gone for good! it has been almost a week now since I heard from him! That is a miracle!

This relationship was only about 5 months long. He came back before after 4 months and this time he's been popping up after a month. All I can say is that trust your gut. You told him to leave for a reason. Make sure he stays gone. This was my second experience with an N - I am happy to say that I recognized his absolute NPD early and got out nearly unharmed. It was very hard in the beginning to not believe all the lies he said about me but after being far away from him and opening my eyes to all the wonderful people I meet on a daily basis I never want to go back to that. Never. I'm quite happy that I have peace now that he can't call my mobile phones.

My xN won't come back. I know it. He had major grass is greener syndrome. I saw it in the way he looked at women (always much younger) when we were out. He longed for 22 yr olds, or something. I'm 37 so I can't compete there. I also have a child who he wasn't too keen on. Anyway, I know I won't be hearing from him. He's very shallow and I hope he's found his equilibrium.

The first time we met in person, he told me he never would have talked with me 100 hours if he'd met me in person first. He left a week earlier than planned. He called three months later, to the day, and asked for another chance. I asked him why he would want to see me again after what he said. He told me he was a jerk. I opened the door, and back he came. That's when he told me that he wasn't interested. When I asked why he called me again, he said, "I forgot all the things I didn't like about you. At least now you have closure." I told him I had closure when he told me he would never want to meet me in person if he'd known what I looked like. There were two more times before I started to "get" it.

Words mean nothing to a narcissist. Always remember actions are what you need to pay attention to. Do you want someone jerking you around like this. Pay attention to how you feel, YOUR instincts, NEVER what they say...they use words liek they use us as supply. Tehy need something to fill their time with every moment. I think that is why drugs or alcohol are helpful to them they just can't be emotioanlly available, but they have had great learning of how to "act" empathetic, caring and loving when they need to get supply...

Wow belle, I cannot believe he would tell you he wouldn't care if you killed yourself and then he comes back?? What an utterly disgusting person he is! So glad to know you are wise enough to have cut him out of your life. And you are right ALWAYS trust your gut even if it seems wrong or you don't want to listen to it.
I always knew what my gut told me about my ex it was just I didn't WANT to listen to it and I questioned it. Now if i ever get a bad feeling, no matter what i'm THINKING, no matter how hard it is to leave the person, I'm leaving.

Malky, I'm so sad he kept coming back and saying he 'forgot the things he didn't like about you'. How hurtful. That guy was a world-class loser, sounds like he was trying hard to make you feel bad about yourself, glad you are not around him anymore. You deserve a nice man, only!

Booklizard, yep he does sound incredibly shallow. Its my belief that any mature man with a developed personality seeks someone close to his own age.

Blueshoes, you are right, always ACTIONS over WORDS. My ex was a poet and master manipulator of words. He was as charming and polite as they come...with words. His words never matched his actions. He promised me trips to Mexico, promised he would never leave me (he dumped me), said I was the only girl that was special to him, etc. He never wanted to see me in person, I always had to go see him. He said he had no friends yet his phone would ring whenever I was around him. RED FLAG.

RE: My ex was a poet and master manipulator of words. He was as charming and polite as they come

Sometimes I think we were all with the same person. xn was also a poet, published author and literature professor. He was extremely polite and had impecible manners. I confused good manners with good character. Deadly mistake.

Oh and by the way, unless they have new supply, always be prepared for them to come back. Ie) Have your phone numbers changed, get a new email address, etc. This is in your best interest. Mine has been trying to come back for over one year. I have him blocked from everything.

I don't feel flattered that he came back because I know his mission is to control and destroy me, not to love me.

Susy, yep, never confuse MANNERS with good character!!! And beware they CAN be poets and artists who are emotional and can cry...
The emotion lies only for themselves....
Every poem my ex wrote was about himself and his misery...
Every picture about himself and his fantasies....
He told me he'd write a poem about me...to hook me
He never wrote one poem about me
In terms of content...
Shakespeare he is not...
Do not be drawn in by the false prophets

I agree with the statement that they only come back to hurt you not love you. My xN is so sad & screwed up. I'm positive he's looking for a favor or 2 but would still unleash his venom on me. He's really screwed up in terms of emotional maturity. He has a hair trigger temper & is not rational in most situations. I cringe just thinking about how socially & morally unacceptable he is. Changing my numbers pissed me off that it came to that but it gives me such peace of mind. I just want to forget about him & focus on the good in my life & work the lessons I've learned.

I hear you belle8194 and I'm so sorry to learn of what you've gone through. Speaking of emotional immaturity, the xN wouldn't remember random facts that I'd told him but he *did* hold on to everything I told him about ex-bf's, male friends, and so on. It was like he was collecting the info to use against me.

My exN would twist and turn all of my words and all past experiences. It was insane. I learned the hard way to just walk away from these types of people. Don't try to change their minds as you are dealing with a person who just isn't in their right mind.
What has worked for me is to surround myself with positive male energy. Just platonic positive people who live the kind of life I live. I live in a major urban area and everyday is a new adventure. There are so many good and healthy people. Gravitate to them and turn the ugly ones away. It was really hard for me to pull myself out of the aftermath at first. His ugly words would ring in my head but you know what I did? I FORCED myself to get out of bed, do my hair, throw on a great dress, jewelry and lip stick everyday and walk the walk until I started feeling better again. I listen to great fun music, make small talk with strangers and let the humour of life find me everyday. I am not surprised that he left a message for me earlier this week but that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him and I will not be an active participant in his hell. You have to take your power and use it to be good to you!

This may be a weird question......but has anyone ever met a man who does NOT behave like this? It seems like most of the men I come across are complete narcissists only interested in themselves and what they can get out of the situation. Maybe it's my general location or something. Maybe I've been hurt by the men in my life so much that I'm anticipating a narcissist with all men I meet. I don't know.....hence the question.

This may be a weird question......but has anyone ever met a man who does NOT behave like this? It seems like most of the men I come across are complete narcissists only interested in themselves and what they can get out of the situation. Maybe it's my general location or something. Maybe I've been hurt by the men in my life so much that I'm anticipating a narcissist with all men I meet. I don't know.....hence the question.