Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
An article my mom sent me from the dailyom website:
Leaving a Relationship
The Direction of Happiness
by Madisyn Taylor
Leaving a long-term relationship is hard but a necessary step to receiving what you want in your life.
One of the hardest decisions we ever make in life is leaving a long-term relationship that just isn’t working. When attempts at repairing and working out issues aren’t working, it may be time to examine moving on. We are emotional creatures, and when our heartstrings are tied to those of another, separating from that person can feel like an act of courage. It is not something most of us will take lightly, and many of us will struggle with our desire to stay in a relationship that is unfulfilling simply in order to avoid that pain. We may question whether the happiness we seek even exists, and we may wonder if we might be wiser to simply settle where we are, making the best of what we have.
On the one hand, we almost relish the idea that true happiness is not out there so that we can avoid the pain of change. On the other hand, we feel within ourselves a yearning to fulfill our desire for relationships that are vital and healing. Ultimately, most of us will follow this call, because deep within ourselves we know that we deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy, no matter where we find ourselves in this moment, and we are all justified in moving, like plants toward the light, in the direction that leads to our greatest fulfillment. First, though, we may need to summon the courage to move on from the relationship that appears to be holding us back.
Taking the first steps will be hard, but the happiness we find when we have freed ourselves from a situation that is draining our energy will outshine any hardship we undergo to get there. Keeping our eyes trained on the horizon, we begin the work of disentangling ourselves from the relationship that no longer fits. Every step brings us closer to a relationship that will work, and the freedom we need to find the happiness we deserve.
Leaving a Relationship
The Direction of Happiness
by Madisyn Taylor
Leaving a long-term relationship is hard but a necessary step to receiving what you want in your life.
One of the hardest decisions we ever make in life is leaving a long-term relationship that just isn’t working. When attempts at repairing and working out issues aren’t working, it may be time to examine moving on. We are emotional creatures, and when our heartstrings are tied to those of another, separating from that person can feel like an act of courage. It is not something most of us will take lightly, and many of us will struggle with our desire to stay in a relationship that is unfulfilling simply in order to avoid that pain. We may question whether the happiness we seek even exists, and we may wonder if we might be wiser to simply settle where we are, making the best of what we have.
On the one hand, we almost relish the idea that true happiness is not out there so that we can avoid the pain of change. On the other hand, we feel within ourselves a yearning to fulfill our desire for relationships that are vital and healing. Ultimately, most of us will follow this call, because deep within ourselves we know that we deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy, no matter where we find ourselves in this moment, and we are all justified in moving, like plants toward the light, in the direction that leads to our greatest fulfillment. First, though, we may need to summon the courage to move on from the relationship that appears to be holding us back.
Taking the first steps will be hard, but the happiness we find when we have freed ourselves from a situation that is draining our energy will outshine any hardship we undergo to get there. Keeping our eyes trained on the horizon, we begin the work of disentangling ourselves from the relationship that no longer fits. Every step brings us closer to a relationship that will work, and the freedom we need to find the happiness we deserve.
In the beginning of breaking up, having been left, or loosing someone to a tragic event, we are constantly reminded of things that make us think about the person - be it negative, positive, or neutral. When my last cat got run over by a car, everything around my house was painful - I couldn't get up in the morning without expecting him to run around my feet - a routine I did in fact hate, but now that he wasn't around to bother me in the mornings, I was torn apart over the empty space where he used to be. I literally wished he was there to trip me - I was not happy nor relieved to finally be able to get up and walk around in the mornings without falling over him. I remember a similar feeling when I was contemplating a breakup, or had just gone through one. Suddenly everything reminding you of that person is painful, because you know they wont ever be there again, that your life has changed - it has lost something. The quality of the interactions is not what matters to the grieving process, but rather the change of the world we are in. I am sure most of us can relate to laying down in that empty bed, laying on "your" side of the bed, reaching out for that empty space next to you. Don't get lost in the idea that it has anything to do with the quality of the relationship left behind though - it is merely a natural part of the process of "letting go" and learning how to live without them.
The point I am trying to make is, breakups are heavier than we often give them credit to be. To be afraid of them, to want to avoid them, is a pretty natural response. And just like in the case with my cat who died, just because we dislike some behaviors - it doesn't mean we have to feel relieved or happy to let go. It is a mourning process - don't downplay it. If you are at a point where you are contemplating a breakup but you are deadly afraid of going there - don't be so hard on yourself. You may not be at a point where you are ready to go through with the mourning process.
In response to what DustyAngel wrote: Others may act like it should be easy, but I personally believe, if people honestly voice such opinions, they are either 1. Emotionally unavailable or really detached from their relationships if "letting go" is easy for them - they fear intimacy, they fear allowing people to mean much to them - or - 2. They are not able to see it from your perspective - they are not able to walk in your shoes, and if they were, they might very well have as hard of a time letting go as you are experiencing at the moment.
It is easy for someone in a different spot to tell you how easy it should be. Compare to viewing other people in your situation - you struggle with yourself - but when you see someone else go through a very similar struggle, you might think that it all seems so obvious and easy and you are wondering why they can't see it themselves; while all along you are struggling as much as they are with your own reality. Don't let anyone tell you what your perspective is - you should know it always looks easier than it is. It's okay to be scared, to hesitate, to need to contemplate things for a while. Give yourself time - you will get there when you need to. People might tell you that they can't believe they wasted so many years to get out and they wish they would have done it earlier - but truth is, that is how long they needed to get to that point. Love yourself enough to allow yourself the time you need, and don't beat yourself up if it seems "too long" - it is what it is.