My first red flag: Sitting on my roofdeck, had a exchanged a few texts with him, invited him to come over and watch the sunset and never heard back from him until the next morning. This is the day after our first date. I got in the bathtub and cried that night. I knew in my gut right then and there that something was wrong, but I pushed it aside, and then pushed many other red flags aside.

Listen to your gut, it knows....

this ex and i talked on the phone before we met up again after dating 25 years ago. he told me he had been arrested numerous times for domestic violence. i met him anyway. and i know the deal. there was no excuse for what i did. i walked right into an abusive situation full well knowing i was not the exception.

he showed me attention. i was lonely. i remember how much i cared about him 25 years ago when he had used to me tcheat on his girlfriend without me knowing he had a girlfriend.

after my relationships have all been abusive with bikers i was excited at the prospect of being with someone. it was a way to punish myself. it's hard to ride motorcycles and want that in your life and not be with a "biker" badboy. it's hard to be clean and sober and be with an enthusiast. riding brings me joy. i'm not sure what to do about this dilemma even though i am stereotyping big time i have never met a clean and sober reformed biker.

Finny i have met plenty of them. My adopted father is reformed. So is my friends dad who works with the va now. Out here its the norm. All the badassness of a biker but sober. Lots of coffee though.

My soon to be ex as well has a history of domestic violence. Of more than one person. Even recently went to court to have an arrest dropped from a few years ago and it was holding up his security clearence. I thought he just went through a hard time. I wanted to believe he was a better person and i used my own dysfunction as an excuse for his. Figured i have pretty bad ptsd and can be a crazy bitch so i had to give him leeway. Wrong. I like something a friend told me... Gotta love this... She is bi polar with anger rages where she has permenant damage for punching through a glass cabinet. She has a successful marriage of 13 years so far. She told me... "His ass knew i was crazy when he married me. Just because im crazy doesnt mean he can treat me any less, because he had a choice to leave at any time. " shes right. Im not manipulative. Im not malicious or mean. Im just who i am. And ptsd is part of that. I deserve love and to be treated well

MAJOR RED FLAG ALERT...i just remembered. Listen to your friends if they tell you something is off or if u feel awkward with him around your friends.... They will see it before you.

The chap I went on the first date with is having a tough time!! Unemployed at the mo !! He has been quite moody on the texting lately...so I have backed off !!
Then today he still hadn't heard from his job interview ,so he asked if I wanted to go over and console him!!!
The old me would have flew over like some super hero to rescue him from his mood ....not this time !! A MASSIVE RED FLAG !!! Maybe I am learning x

Excellent work, Clarity!

Thanks my friend ...baby steps!!, I hope there are healthy men left out there :( x

First date: Never left the vehicle. Went through the drive thru and he wanted to go far away from where he lived
Another date: he freaked out that my aunt and her coworker were gong to find out about us.
I was not allowed in his home
I did not meet friends or family
He would put women down like they were scum
Dracona reminded me of another one. He told me his best friend was also a lesbian. I am pretty sure that is her in the pictures with him and a little girl. I believe now that they have a kid together even though he wont' admit it to anyone.

We need to listen to our inner voice ...
My date also said his ex was "mental" ..I said to him "are you sure that you just didn't make her behave mental" ??? Because some days ladies my exes behaviour certainly turned me into a mental case and he probably tells others I was mental!!! Aarrgghhhh
Xx

clarity it does seem you're learning depending on what you do with the info you have about your new date.....if you stay you have more to learn.

Even before my first date with my current bf: told me he was divorced. That was two years ago this month. Guess what? His divorce was final July 8, 2013!! And this is a NICE man. And I now know there have been many many "little" lies for his convenience. I am so sick of this shit. I hate them all.

big sigh dorrih. what the hell?

i personally know men who don't lie..... not even white lies.

I hate lies. Just despise them. He knew this from the get go. When i personally truly care for someone. I cant lie to them. Especially if they look me in the eye. I looked him straight in the eye and he lied. More than once. But like finny made a point... Lets focus on the red flags that save us from ever getting to this point. When we should stop and trust out insticts.

They lie to protect their arses,!! They lie so they don't ever look bad and when they get caught out and we flip..they then say " see that's why I lie ...you just go off on one" !!! They are so manipulative ....they can even make us feel bad for them having to lie !!,

You are so right clarity... But we have to get over it. Im dealing with that now... The fact that ive been set up to look like a nutcase in case shit hit the fan. Well it did and no one believes me.