Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
My ex called from numbers I didn't recognize. We talked for an hour and he was begging for me back. Talking to him made me feel like my whole journey just came crashing down. I told him that it was over and I didn't want to be with him and to stop calling me but, I still talked too much. I really don't want to be with him and he keeps saying he will stop by my house. I really don't want to see him because I have been doing so well. Idk I just need some advice on how to stay strong and not fall for what my ex is saying. I lost my virginity to him and he knows that I always take him back. It just scares me that I might get back into that relationship. I really don't want to go back there again. I wish I never talked to him.
Here's a reason among many, I'm sure as to why you should not cave: You know he's noo good for you.
Imagine how much more time you're going to waste with him banging your head up against a wall, emerging yourself in more and more misery.
Don't do it
He is only coming back now because he has probably realized its not so great without you and he wants to see if he can still pull at your emotional heart strings. He isnt contacting you to see how you are doing or to benefit you--he is contacting you for his sake. I have copied and pasted an article from my current favorite website that has helped me tremendously--www.baggagereclaim.co.uk: Its about what he is thinking by contacting you:
If you’re involved with someone who keeps hounding you to get back together only to disappoint you all over again, or who won’t leave you alone when you cut him off and then disappears or even gets nasty on you once you make contact, you’re with someone who reacts to their own fears and panic and says and does what he thinks will likely achieve him getting whatever he wants. If this means that he shuts you up, buys some more time, or very simply, finds himself back in the driving seat controlling the flow of things, then so be it.
He won’t be concerned about the casualties en route.
He’s very ‘of the moment’. He reacts and chases a feeling. He sees something, he wants it. Something doesn’t dance to his beat, it suddenly seems more attractive and recreates what he perceives as a feeling of desire in him. The fear and the panic he feels when he is not in control of you or how the relationship has ended, gets misinterpreted as a signal that he wants you, when in actual fact, he just wants to be in control and feel reassured that he can still count on you to be there.
He’s a flip flapper and even though he can’t commit to being with or without you, he wants you there as an option. Interestingly, his ego will want you to consider him to be your only option.
The likelihood is that when he pursues you after you cut contact or tell him that you want things to be over, he either believes (briefly) that he does actually want you and says that he will be and do and say whatever is needed to get back on side, or he knows exactly what he is intending on being and doing, but he says whatever is needed to draw you in, because his ego can’t cope without the reassurance that you’re still there.
He’s not thinking about you; he’s thinking about him. Whatever he needs at that time, whether it’s:
to be in control, to get confirmation that you still want him, to get a shag, to get money, to get a bed for the night, to get away from another woman, to have a shoulder to lean on by treating you like an armchair psychologist, to remind himself that he’s not alone, to make sure all the members of his fan club are still intact, that you’re not the one for him but you’ll do for now;
He feels that surely you’ve seen his behaviour for what it is so you know that he cannot give you what you want.
He is thinking about serving his needs not yours.
If he was thinking about you and your needs, he’d realise that he shouldn’t start something that he can’t finish and avoid putting you in any further pain.
This is something I refer to as faking a future with you so that he can get what he wants in the present. This is exactly what he’s thinking about.
After he chases, it suddenly occurs to him that your expectations of him may have increased to accommodate his pursuit of you or any promises that he has made. At this point he will behave like an asshole or slowly, and very passive aggressively, returning to his previous behaviour, so that it suddenly creeps up on you and find yourself back at square one. He has effectively managed down your expectations again and disappointed you.
He’s not thinking, or if he is thinking, he’s thinking about himself. He’s thoughtless, and that’s not exactly a great trait to have, and he also thinks he can talk and charm his way around. He may not have enough empathy to realise how deeply in emotional debt you are because he is not experiencing any, or only a little pain. This means he cannot comprehend that you are not coping with the pain.
If someone doesn’t know what was wrong in the relationship or understand how they have hurt you, they will continue to act without thought or regard because they have no understanding of what they have done to cause you pain. If this guy is never going to get it, this means that you’re wasting your time going back.
HOPE THIS HELPED YOU BABY K!!
xoxoxoxo-- Sarah
Dont beat yourself up...it sucks yes...but setbacks happen and you have to get back up.
Tomorrow is a new day and a new start....I hope by him coming over and if you talked to him you were able to see why you decided to break it off. Keep your chin up!! We are here for you
Think of all the times he lied to you...and how it was so easy for him to do. That day in the car, perhaps? Some people are just better at some things than others...You for one, are good at loving - he is a proficient LIAR, MANIPULATOR AND CHEAT. I'm so glad he possesses some skills. Let him use them on someone else, and free yourself up to give your gifts to someone who's worth having them.
Stay strong baby girl!