Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Could I really be almost completely free of my obession with M?
I won't lie, I do still think about him but it's been a while since I've had an urge to connect with him. The yearnings to see his name on my phone come but they go really quickly. I find joy in things I used to find mundane while I was obsessing over him. I look forward to my nights after my son is in bed and I can chill with myself, with a good book, in my own company. I don't look for him so much out on the streets of our town. I don't daydream about what could have been. And mostly, I can allow myself to imagine life with another man. I'm actually interested in someone else and I'm not comparing this man to M. This thing with the other man is progressing very slowly. I haven't even seen him but we chat on a daily basis and I'm liking it.
I just feel like I need to pinch myself.
Still vulnerable though. I hope he doesn't call. I REALLY REALLY hope he's gone for good.
I won't lie, I do still think about him but it's been a while since I've had an urge to connect with him. The yearnings to see his name on my phone come but they go really quickly. I find joy in things I used to find mundane while I was obsessing over him. I look forward to my nights after my son is in bed and I can chill with myself, with a good book, in my own company. I don't look for him so much out on the streets of our town. I don't daydream about what could have been. And mostly, I can allow myself to imagine life with another man. I'm actually interested in someone else and I'm not comparing this man to M. This thing with the other man is progressing very slowly. I haven't even seen him but we chat on a daily basis and I'm liking it.
I just feel like I need to pinch myself.
Still vulnerable though. I hope he doesn't call. I REALLY REALLY hope he's gone for good.
I feel so calm, I almost forgot how that feels.
And I couldn't have possibly gone this far without this site and all of you.
xo
I read everyone's stories every day and I want to reach out and promise everyone that it does get better. But I know what they're feeling, I know it seems hopeless. I've been there.
For those of you hanging on by a thread, PLEASE have faith and trust that the only way is up from here on end..
xo
although orges sounds alot more fun. lol
I agree Creo, I do think it's important. But to be honest, I have felt uncomforatble posting my progress, I feel guilty boasting about my new state of mind because I know so many of us are far from this point. I don't want anyone to resent me, although I know it's a natural reaction. What I want more than anything is to give these beautiful ladies HOPE.
♥
Having gone through the fires...through the pain and the heart wrenching grief of loss and confusion..I have learned SO MUCH about myself and about Life. After burying 2 parents, 2 marriages, one dysfunctional family relationship and one dysfunctional romantic relationship......I feel "catastophe proofed".... and I can honestly say that NOW is one of the BEST times of my Life.
Wishing Peace and Happiness to all.
Girl I am so afraid of going through the darkness yet again (as I have posted many times) and part of the reason I found this site - to take action. Reflecting on your last few months are there things that helped pull you through more effectively?
Because of you ladies I am taking action in ways I never have. Yesterday was my first day starting an anti-depressant. (Haven't tried one for 15 years.) They say the road will be bumpy the first month (with even more anxiety - WTH?!) but I am going to do my best to stick with it.
MissMom, there is one thing that stuck out in my mind though.... and not to be a Debbie Downer... so what IF he contacts you? It sucks to think he could still have influence over you after you have worked through some of the hardest parts of the process. That is my biggest fear with my Narc boyfriend - he has come back begging after 5 months even.... He inches and inches his way back in over time. My boundaries start out strong - and the stronger I am the more he salivates. And that kind of feeds my ego like "Yeah look how much I've changed. You have no power over me." But then week after week... who is the one back in hell after they get addicted to the attention? Yeah, me.
What are your thoughts about this for your situation, MissMom?
Me too.
I feel the same sense of bragging at times but I know (as we all do) that life is a journey. There are no straight paths, some diverge, trail off, we become lost and found again, every day is new, every discovery may meet its end--what I feel right now can shift in moments. I have only this moment to revel in.
Sharing seems essential in light of the pain that we all know too well.
Hope.
Acorn, He has contacted me. I ended it in early July and he has texted and called consistently until about a month ago. I haven't responed to any of it. I guess he got teh msg the last time and stopped. It wasn't easy not to engage...especially that it felt liek he was reaching out. But I just couldn't deal with setting myself up for more disappointment. For me it was like testing my own limits. Each time he contacted me, I would set an imaginary marker for myself. I'd give myself until the next time he'd call, see if i could make it till then. And I did. But surprisingly, I did not engage to any of the subsequent calls or texts either. and now, yes, I am afraid that he'll strike again, but I'm stronger now. And my tolerance for bullshit is very very tiny. I'm not so much afraid that I'll start up again with him if he makes contact, so much as I dread those withdrawal symptoms. I'd rather be strong and without him, then pathetic and weak with him. That's where I'm at now.
As for tips on how to get through it...I have to constantly remind myself of all the crap I'm no longer willing to endure. So I read back journal entries on a daily basis, I read through some of my older posts here, I read back our text interractions of when we were together to remind me of how careless he was. And mostly, I look at my son and imagine how sad and anxious this helpless little boy is when his mamma is in that frenzied state of mind.
Also, I picture that smug look on his face when he knew he had me, it makes me sick enough NOT to put myself back at his mercy.
You can do thsi Acorn. If I coudl do it, you could do it. xo
All kinds of heart attacks but I got through it. And I'm happy to report that I only freaked out for about 10 minutes. I'm good now. :)