Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I think i want to break up with him. im so tired of the constant wear and tear. there are so many small things that drive me nuts, they make me mean, and when im upset he has no clue why. he just thinks im being crazy.
yeah. crazy that i have asked you and asked you to NOT leave your hat on the table, or to clean the high chair off if you feed the baby so things dont get crusted on there and stink. to not leave glass beer bottles or your chewing tobacco out where the baby can reach it. to try to pick up after her a little if you are watching her. to just basically clean up after yourself. he thinks he does. he did the dishes the other day, some of them. he does a load of dishes, but not the pans or cups or silverware. then weeks later he is still saying he did them yesterday, and if he did it was only a couple cups. im constantly trying to keep the house clean. i tell him, that it is unattractive to me, for me to wake up, and see him on the computer slouched over, with messy, greasy hair, and a mess surrounding him around the house, nearly every day. he dont even turn around to say good morning to me, and when he tries to kiss me its always scruffy face and bad breath. my heart just sinks. and he wonders why i never want to have sex with him. he is never up and active. and if he is it was usually my idea. its computer games, work, or tv. and if i bug him about the computer, then he rolls his eyes and acts like i just asked him to jump off a bridge. I dont know what to do. something needs to change.
he likes to talk about things he wants to do, but lacks the discipline to do ANY of them. he is bad with finances, and while he does help me out, i want him to help HIMSELF out. at least he applied for a new job. we work at the same place, but i think he needs a job that he doesnt have to work for tips on so he can see what money he has. he always thinks he is broke when he makes way more money than he thinks. and i have more bills than he does and make less, and manage to make it. barely sometimes. but i do. and sometimes i do need help from him. but it usually costs him because he forgets he had a payment due for something. I dont know what to do. He is the only dad my daughter knows. he is nice to us.
i do care about him. i dont have the funds to move somewhere where i would feel comfortable if we broke up.
i dont have too many friends that would care. but i really hate this constant struggle inside me. i hate the way i feel when i wake up and see him like that. and weve talked, so i feel invalidated or like he doesnt care how i feel enough to make an effort.
yeah. crazy that i have asked you and asked you to NOT leave your hat on the table, or to clean the high chair off if you feed the baby so things dont get crusted on there and stink. to not leave glass beer bottles or your chewing tobacco out where the baby can reach it. to try to pick up after her a little if you are watching her. to just basically clean up after yourself. he thinks he does. he did the dishes the other day, some of them. he does a load of dishes, but not the pans or cups or silverware. then weeks later he is still saying he did them yesterday, and if he did it was only a couple cups. im constantly trying to keep the house clean. i tell him, that it is unattractive to me, for me to wake up, and see him on the computer slouched over, with messy, greasy hair, and a mess surrounding him around the house, nearly every day. he dont even turn around to say good morning to me, and when he tries to kiss me its always scruffy face and bad breath. my heart just sinks. and he wonders why i never want to have sex with him. he is never up and active. and if he is it was usually my idea. its computer games, work, or tv. and if i bug him about the computer, then he rolls his eyes and acts like i just asked him to jump off a bridge. I dont know what to do. something needs to change.
he likes to talk about things he wants to do, but lacks the discipline to do ANY of them. he is bad with finances, and while he does help me out, i want him to help HIMSELF out. at least he applied for a new job. we work at the same place, but i think he needs a job that he doesnt have to work for tips on so he can see what money he has. he always thinks he is broke when he makes way more money than he thinks. and i have more bills than he does and make less, and manage to make it. barely sometimes. but i do. and sometimes i do need help from him. but it usually costs him because he forgets he had a payment due for something. I dont know what to do. He is the only dad my daughter knows. he is nice to us.
i do care about him. i dont have the funds to move somewhere where i would feel comfortable if we broke up.
i dont have too many friends that would care. but i really hate this constant struggle inside me. i hate the way i feel when i wake up and see him like that. and weve talked, so i feel invalidated or like he doesnt care how i feel enough to make an effort.
You know, Dracona, maybe first you need to get to where you know you are wonderful and awesome and incredible whether you accomplish one more thing! It wasn't passing that test or finishing boot camp or getting that job or having that perfect marriage that is going to stamp you with that great big GOLD star! YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN STAMPED WITH THAT GOLD STAR!
I sure am no counselor but I'm wondering if your counselor has ever expressed that there might be a fear of success as a means of protection?
I am not mad at any of the gods. we as humans make our own destiny. how we deal with what we are dealt determines who we are, even if we have to spend the rest of our lives fighting for it.
Thanks DB for the gold star, you are probably littered with them. maybe someday i will feel stable again.
ive never found a counselor that could tell me something that i didnt already know. they can only give me ways to deal with it, that i already knew as well, journaling, blah blah blah, then they want to give me anti depressants, which always scare me, because there are SO many out there, and sometimes, they hurt you and make you dependent on them, or make you worse. ive had to take them, after i had a miscarriage, i missed my baby so much. i was really not ok. i took them then. i would have taken anything then. i was court ordered to take them when i was in foster care as well. i didnt really like it either time. ugh. i just wish this fog would lift from my life right now.
doctors get kickbacks for sponsoring drugs... id just rather stay out of all that. ill take antibodies for an infection, but i dont trust alot of whats out there. CURE YOUR HEADACHE, GET DIARREAH, CURE HEART ATTACK, HAVE A SEIZURE, CURE YOUR ALLERGIES, BUT FEEL NAUTEOUS AND TIRED ALL DAY.
no thank you. anti depressants are scary. I was taking citalopram, which is generic for lexapro, my insurance at the time i had it didnt cover that, it was 280 bucks a bottle for lexapro. it felt real wierd, like someone put their hand in the back of my head and was squishing my brain. it was like that for about 3 weeks, then it started to help some, even me out a bit. it made me sleep way too much, which sometimes is ok cause i sleep way to llittle now. i know things that would help my depression, working out, eating better, all those things, but i just cant seem to get over that block to do anything.
and everything seems to be related to my period. when i was pregnant, i felt GREAT. and stable, and efficient, even through all the mess that was happening. i felt like the person i want to be, even though i was hurt. i was strong and confident and fair. what the hell happened to me? and i have yet to find a good doctor. doctors around here just dont care. and i cant afford it. i cant pay for it. i have no insurance now.
i need to do something. im tired of watching my life pass me by.
and today i could have killed austin. i mean, he left trash everywhere, and i asked him to take it out, he said there was no place to put it. when he transferred garbage over to this new place, he actually cancelled the account instead of the transfer, and well, we have 4 cans of friggin trash, and he dont want to take it outside cause he says they wont pick it up and we will have to pay extra. i said FIX IT. figure it out. im not going to have trash laying around my house and yard!!! he dont care. says oh well, ill take care of it on thursday, which is trash day. so im going to have trash around my yard, even after thursday , because he wont take care of it before hand. MR. last minute. the last thing anyone wants to see is trash everywhere in the morning waking up, or smelling it outside. im really having a tough day, and on top of it i have to contact my ex. but thats another post. lol.