Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Okay, so I'm going into my second month of NC with my EX-N, and I feel great about that. However, there is an event coming up where I will be "forced" to speak with him. Both he and I are committee members of a yearly reunion (held every July). All members are required to participate in a once-a-month conference call (the conference calls will begin next week), until the actual reunion takes place. The LAST thing I want is to hear his voice; just the thought of it gives me the creeps. I certainly don't want to taint the others' opinion of him; they think he's a saint. (Only one committee member knows my story, and she has not shared it with anyone else on the committee.)
I need to make a decision here. July is six months away and I'm sure I will be much stronger by then. But, at the same time, I don't want to feel as if I'm failing my true friends on the committee. I can feel the anxiety building...
Any suggestions?
I need to make a decision here. July is six months away and I'm sure I will be much stronger by then. But, at the same time, I don't want to feel as if I'm failing my true friends on the committee. I can feel the anxiety building...
Any suggestions?
I can imagine that it will be really hard to hear his voice, I don't know your story, so not sure if hearing his voice will make it harder to live your life and you will go back to thinking about him and wanting to be with him or if it is more of a situation where you truly can't stand him and it will be hard to work together as a team on the committee.
I know this is completely different from your situation, but I say the above because I came to realize that my "fear" or "anxiety" of him was preventing me from doing something that I truely enjoy. Once again, I was allowing him to control my life. As Steph asked above...is this something you WANT to do? If it is, do you best to try and participate. I know it will be an extremely difficult thing to hear his voice, but it sounds as though this is a situation in which he will not be able to directly "speak" to you about anything personal. Or maybe, see if you can skip the first week or so until you feel less anxious about it.
Much love to you. I wish you well with your decision.
when i left my alcholic bf over 20 years ago, i met someone else on the rebound, he was someone you wouldnt want to mess with, and he knew it. my ex boyfriend never showed up again after that,
I Imagine that if i had never met him and never asked for protection, he would have just came mithering like they do.
Men like to play the part of a womans hero now and then, makes them feel like a man.
good luck.
if you have to give it up, dont guilt yourself or feel angry. if you decide to stay, then just prepare yourself for what will come. either way, he can hurt you no longer, he can only annoy, remind, and anger you, all of those emotions you have control of. he no longer has control of you, or your life. its YOUR decision to make. do you have to talk directly to HIM in these meetings? and is it just an over the phone meeting?
The relationship lasted 3 months (which seemed more like 3 years). It didn't take me long to figure out that this man was not who he said he was. He sought to control me through a series of head games, which included withholding sex as a form of "punishment.". I eventually had to block him on Facebook, after which he sent me this torrid letter, accusing me of pushing him away in bed and controlling him - the EXACT behavior he had tried to enforce on me. I never responded to his letter and I have not seen him or spoken to him in nearly 2 months now. I know that I am better off without him in my life; however, I find that I am still SO, SO ANGRY at him for the pain he caused me in such a short period of time. And I would rather be angry AT HIM than to be depressed OVER HIM any day of the week.
I do not fear him. I HATE HIM!! I do not want to hear his voice, for it will serve as a reminder of all the manipulation, the lies, and the bullshit he took me through. I am not the least bit concerned about him trying to lure me back in to his web of deceit. THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN! I'VE HAD ENOUGH, AND I'M NOT GOING BACK! I'm still trying to make peace with the realization of how he systematically and methodically TRIED to destroy me!
The upcoming "meetings" I speak of are conference (phone) calls. I do not have to speak to him directly, but having gotten to know the real slime-ball side of him, I suspect he may be so evil as to ask me a direct question (not a personal question), just so he can get me to speak to him. Dracona, you're correct when you say, "he can hurt you no longer, he can only annoy, remind, and anger you, all of those emotions you have control of." I decided to call the committee leader tonight. I shared with her (minus the lurid details), that I had broken up with him, and that I am feeling uncomfortable about having to interact with him just yet. I told her that I would skip the conference calls in January and February, and be on board in March. She was very understanding and told me to take as much time as I need. (Also, I will be moving to a new residence on February 1st, so the committee facilitator will offer this reason for my "absence.") The big test is going to be at our picnic in July, when, unfortunately, I will HAVE TO see him. I've already decided, though, that I will not participate in any hands-on committees in which he may be involved. (God forbid, I should "accidentally" push him on a grill, douse him in lighter fluid and set him on fire! )
Thank you, again, ladies, for your love and support. Thank you, also, for allowing me to rant! I intended to reply with just a couple of paragraphs, and I ended up practically writing a mini-book. Wellbeme, I love your idea about taking along "a big 6 foot boxer with you from the local gym and have him act as your bf for the day." I just might do that, lol! Seriously, though, I am taking control of MY LIFE, and I will persevere.
I would love to hear back from you ladies regarding my decision.
That is good that you are staying involved because it is something you like to do, also taking a few months "off" so that you can have that extra time is a good plan. Works good that you are moving around that same time, so others don't wonder what is going on.
I am glad that this man isn't making you depressed etc. I know you are angry and have a right to be, but remember after some time don't keep having all that angry about him, otherwise he is still affecting you and in a not good way. You are the only one that will know how long you should keep being angry, kind of like when you grieve some loss, it is different for all people how long and how they grieve. Even though you aren't depressed, you are angry and that can be a form of grieving at times, because you lost something, though sounds like it was a very good loss to have, but still a loss and losses in our lives have to be grieved and in our own way and time.
Hope this makes sense to you. Good luck on it all and come back and post more when needing too.
That is good that you are staying involved because it is something you like to do, also taking a few months "off" so that you can have that extra time is a good plan. Works good that you are moving around that same time, so others don't wonder what is going on.
I am glad that this man isn't making you depressed etc. I know you are angry and have a right to be, but remember after some time don't keep having all that angry about him, otherwise he is still affecting you and in a not good way. You are the only one that will know how long you should keep being angry, kind of like when you grieve some loss, it is different for all people how long and how they grieve. Even though you aren't depressed, you are angry and that can be a form of grieving at times, because you lost something, though sounds like it was a very good loss to have, but still a loss and losses in our lives have to be grieved and in our own way and time.
Hope this makes sense to you. Good luck on it all and come back and post more when needing too.
That is good that you are staying involved because it is something you like to do, also taking a few months "off" so that you can have that extra time is a good plan. Works good that you are moving around that same time, so others don't wonder what is going on.
I am glad that this man isn't making you depressed etc. I know you are angry and have a right to be, but remember after some time don't keep having all that angry about him, otherwise he is still affecting you and in a not good way. You are the only one that will know how long you should keep being angry, kind of like when you grieve some loss, it is different for all people how long and how they grieve. Even though you aren't depressed, you are angry and that can be a form of grieving at times, because you lost something, though sounds like it was a very good loss to have, but still a loss and losses in our lives have to be grieved and in our own way and time.
Hope this makes sense to you. Good luck on it all and come back and post more when needing too.
I just was on FB and someone had posted this saying. Maybe food for thought....
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~ Buddha"
I just was on FB and someone had posted this saying. Maybe food for thought....
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~ Buddha"
I just was on FB and someone had posted this saying. Maybe food for thought....
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~ Buddha"