no contact = peace

Yeah but i thought that having his contact would set me back.

You didn't contact him back....so it's still NC. You crossed the bridge Miss. The less you interact with him, the healthier you will feel/be.
I'm talking to you from the other side, I wouldn't lie to you sister.
Keep up the good work of protecting yourself!

Maybe I'm questioning it too much. But I'm afarid I'm feeling thsi powerful because he's at a disadvantage right now. Because I feel liek i have him where I want him, at my mercy.
Do you know what I mean?

I know what you mean.

I have an email sitting in my inbox that I have not read.

I have 4 texts that I have not read.

I feel like I've got him under my boot......and that is probably terrible,

but idc --- it's helping me right now.

I'm going to the Jersey shore tomorrow.

I will be in the sun and the ocean water with my daughter.

And he will be going crazy because Marie has not written back to him.

Marie won't read them til sometime Tuesday when she's back at her office.

(yes, I will read it all....I'm not there yet to just delete everything without reading first)

I'm seriously starting to not give a crap about him.

I am hurt, I am a little angry,

but more than that,

I just give up.

Missmom, you sound like you're in an AWESOME spot.

You go mama!!!! lol

Thank you Marie :)
Whether you know it or not though, you are too. Just keep up the momentum.

M has had such a strong hold on me, and he's known it for a long time.
The tables turned about 2 months into our relationship, almost overnight.
he went from calling and texting multiple times a day, taking every free moment he could to see me...He was VERY attentive, sometimes jealous and very cautious of impending threats. He showed lots of insecurity, pulled out all teh stops to impress me and win me over. and then like the blink of an eye, we switched roles.
So I kinda feel like I'm thriving to turn the tables back to where we started. THAT'S how I want it to end. I know it's very unhealthy, but I want him to cry. Literally.

I think that's just for now. After some more time goes by of No Contact, you won't care if he cries as much. I still want my ex to care and feel sad that he ruined it, but honestly, is M capable of that?? I'm not sure my ex is, which is one of the reasons he's my ex and not my boyfriend or husband.
We deserve someone who we don't have to always be in a power struggle with. We deserve to feel it's an equal relationship and not a silent game of tug-o-war all the time. Don't we Miss?
What you're feeling now is right on par with what you should be feeling. It's healthy to be a little mad and maybe even want vindication. You are processing all the pain and BS he put you through. (YAY! Another step forward for you)!
But I promise after a little more time goes by of No Contact, even that feeling will begin to subside.
Someone once told me the opposite of love is not hate. It is apathy.
Thinking of you honey! You're SO STRONG and I'm very proud of you.

Thank you Maryland.
It's funny you ask that question, of whether or not M would cry. I can't even imagine.
But I just logged into my facebook account and saw a friend request from his cousin (who is also his best friend)'s wife. And in my inbox a msg: you don't know me (yet), but I'd like to talk to you. It's about M. Don't worry, he's fine. Please respond, I know you haven't been responding to his msgs and I could guess why. Just know that things are not always as they seem. hope to talk soon.'

I haven't accepted her request and I haven't responded. It just kills me because I have heard so many wonderful things about thsi woman and I have so wanted to meet her. THIS is how I'm presented with teh opportunity to meet her. Not at a family dinner with her husband and children. It pisses me off. They are all in Florida together right now. I was supposed to be there! It's not right. I'm so angry at him right now for ruining us.

She's throwing you a curveball. DUCK!
Honestly, sometimes they can find ways to infiltrate our lives even when we cut them off. My ex did this too...had others contact me or at least planted seeds so they may. And before you think he wasn't behind it (I know I'd be telling myself that, with high hopes) she knows you aren't replying to his messages. So he's been talking.
You have a right to be angry. Get angry. I encourage it. But also keep in mind, he didn't ruin you guys. It was never what it was supposed to be in the first place. It was something you held onto, and cared about, and focused a ton of energy on...but not what you deserve.
It's SO HARD for women like us to step back far enough to realize we deserve better and in order to get it, we have to demand it. We can't passively save every man that comes along. We can't fix. We can't hang on to something unfulfilling. We have to DEMAND better. And you deserve better.
Nothing this woman can say will change that.
Consider every possibility. She could say he has been traumatized so he is hurt and can't express his emotions properly. Not your problem. Who cares. You still deserve better. (I'm telling you this from experience by the way. My ex was in an infantry unit in the war and deployed three times. He was physically and emotionally injured as well.....still, not an excuse).
She could say she knows he loves you so much but he has been going through something (insert: any horse shit excuse you want here) and then what changes? Nothing. Same guy. Not good enough for you.
She could say he has been sleeping around with 158 women behind your back. What does that change for you? Maybe you'd go get an STD test (you can anyway, if you think that's even a possibility) but it still doesn't change a damn thing. Same guy. Same letdown. Not good enough for Miss.
I believe you are doing the very best thing by not responding or accepting the request. You're not being rude to her, you're simply standing your ground. And if she's a self respecting woman, she will understand.
And if you feel you absolutely must reply (I probably would feel that way but I'm also codependent) you could send a polite but short reply, "I appreciate you reaching out, but I've made a decision after a long road of letdowns to move on with my life and I need to have no contact with him or his life anymore. Thanks and I wish you all the best. You sound like a lovely woman". or something classy along those lines so she knows you're not ignoring her but understands your boundaries.
And you do have boundaries.
And that's how I know you're healing.
And that's one of the MILLION reasons I am proud of you.
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK SISTER!!!

Thank you Maryland, everything you said is right up there.
I'm resisting the temptation to respond. Still. Although I don't believe he put her up to it. Surely, he has spoken to his cousin (her husband) about us, they are very close. But he wouldn't have mentionned anything to her. So he (M's cousin) must have told her. Regardless of how teh scenario played out, I don't know what to say to her so I won't say anything for now.
I leave in a few days so if I make contact now, thsi will tempt me to go see him and I can't allow myself to go there even mentally. Luckily, he doesn't know where I'm staying but I know where he is so there will be a fair amount of self restraint involved.. he's a 10 minute drive from me. I'm not so worried about seeing him because we will only be there at teh same time for 1 day. But the rest of teh family will be staying another 2 weeks and as far as I know, they go to teh same strip of beach that I'll be at. sigh.
Is thsi all a test? Kick me whiel I'm down, why don't you!??

lol. drama drama drama!

Thank you Maryland, everything you said is right up there.
I'm resisting the temptation to respond. Still. Although I don't believe he put her up to it. Surely, he has spoken to his cousin (her husband) about us, they are very close. But he wouldn't have mentionned anything to her. So he (M's cousin) must have told her. Regardless of how teh scenario played out, I don't know what to say to her so I won't say anything for now.
I leave in a few days so if I make contact now, thsi will tempt me to go see him and I can't allow myself to go there even mentally. Luckily, he doesn't know where I'm staying but I know where he is so there will be a fair amount of self restraint involved.. he's a 10 minute drive from me. I'm not so worried about seeing him because we will only be there at teh same time for 1 day. But the rest of teh family will be staying another 2 weeks and as far as I know, they go to teh same strip of beach that I'll be at. sigh.
Is thsi all a test? Kick me whiel I'm down, why don't you!??

lol. drama drama drama!

It doesn't have to be drama. If you're anything like me, you already have all the answers. You just don't like them. If you "relapse" you'll have to start the process over. Read through old posts on here when you're tempted. You'll see all of us who cave in, eventually end up back on here doing the work again. Stick with me Miss. Let's show some of the newer women to the group that you can do it the first time. And that can be the ONLY time. I struggle everyday not to reach out to him or his family. But I'm rejecting his mail, keeping his number blocked and reminding myself that me and my future children deserve better
You can do this. Move your beach towel sister. The sun is too hot near people who could drag you backward.

:)

I know what you mean about the tables turning. It did not start out with me trying to make it work. He sought me out. I don't know how it became me basically begging for attention from him. OH the insecurity that produced, the instability.
I am angry too. This is the month my children are gone. We were supposed be taking a trip to his Fl house. I swear he set me up witholding his attention knowing I would get upset. THen he bowed out saying I am too unstable. He is the only part of my life that is unstable. He got me good. I am trying so hard to let go but I miss him, a lot. He was not bad when he was present, he was just absent too much. Now my children are gone and I am not on vacation with him. Not even talking to him . I hate how I feel.

I know what you mean about the tables turning. It did not start out with me trying to make it work. He sought me out. I don't know how it became me basically begging for attention from him. OH the insecurity that produced, the instability.
I am angry too. This is the month my children are gone. We were supposed be taking a trip to his Fl house. I swear he set me up witholding his attention knowing I would get upset. THen he bowed out saying I am too unstable. He is the only part of my life that is unstable. He got me good. I am trying so hard to let go but I miss him, a lot. He was not bad when he was present, he was just absent too much. Now my children are gone and I am not on vacation with him. Not even talking to him . I hate how I feel.