Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I met this guy about a month ago. Actually, I've known him for years but we never really connected. He's a regular at a local cafe/bar here in my town. That night a month ago, he was extremely attentive towards me. I normally wouldn't give him a second look, he's totally not my type. He has those bad boy traits, drives a Harley, has long wild hair, hard worker, of italian decent like me...but he's kinda on the heavy side, not much taller than me. I feel kinda shallow describing him this way lol. But let me tell you, I was so turned on by him that night, just the way he payed attention to me, like I was the sexiest thing on earth. Anyhow, we had a nice time, he didn't come on to strong but made it very clear he was into me. I haven't seen him since except for a few times on the road here and there. I don't think he saw me. Anyway last night I was perusing the dating site I'm on and there he was. I dropped him a line and hooked him. We chatted all night. It was nice, got my mind off whats-his-face. He reminds me of M, his sharp wit, his self-deprocating style. I'm attracted to him. But I'm a little weary, obviously. He's exactly my age, M is 8 years younger than me. This guy isn't shy about showing his interest in me, whereas M was not so forth-coming.
Still though..how do I know? How do I NOT fall for a guy like M? Were hardly there yet but if I let it happen, it could happen. But i so don't want it to happen if he turns out to be anything like my ex.
sigh...
Still though..how do I know? How do I NOT fall for a guy like M? Were hardly there yet but if I let it happen, it could happen. But i so don't want it to happen if he turns out to be anything like my ex.
sigh...
probably you mean, just because of the last one?
that sounds like what that sentence is saying, instead of... you are weary about him specifically.
i don't want to "encourage" or "discourage" you... i just want you to be safe.
:)
it's nice you are doing some things and out and about.. i envy you, ... some day, some day.
i am also very weary.
I hate to compare, but what else am I supposed to do? I'm so scared.
REALLY. I'm thinking that may be a red flag. lol
I think, in the past, I have totally rushed into everything and I'm in and committed before I know it.
It is ass backwards. Screen him. Follow your instincts that he 'might' be a bad boy. Take your time.
The thing is if you are at all unsure, it's a red flag--it is your red flag even to yourself to go SLOW.
This may sound like bragging, it is not intended at all to be so but I have to say this to someone so here--I have, over the month (since I last saw my ex and really decided to move forward) attracted man after man after man to me. It's almost weird because it is constant and steady. I do not NEED a man in my life right now. I feel picky and uncertain about each of them OR simply, that I am aware that I have, to date, moved way too fast and become emotionally involved before I even discerned if they were suitable for me. Here's the past 24 hours--texts/phone calls and in person meetings with five men. Tonight I was invited to a male friend's for dinner and we went out dancing for a bit (salsa) afterwards. I am not sure if he is interested in me as a friend or more but for once, I am actually taking the time to see if it is even for me. I realized (this is part of my necessary healing still) that he is a very decent person--lots of indicators. He is a gentleman, so far no real raw romantic connection. I am used to that--the drama, the intensity, the high voltage and it threw me off and then I could even feel myself starting to lose interest. WHICH IS ALSO OKAY. I need to see and decide for myself, not base something on how someone else feels.
The difference, I believe, is that I am not looking/needy. I don't care really. I do want someting eventually but I am okay and it's an amazing lesson. Powerful.
What do you think Miss about your new situation?
Missmom, I wish I knew what to tell you, but I have absolutely no idea. It would be a shame to avoid love forever, though. Be careful but not paranoid, sort of... Not rushing into things is probably good. (What a lame advice - forgive me! *lol*)
miss I think you should see what you're intuition is saying to you and be true to that. it is easy for some guy to become much to important to us.
My current SO is also a "biker type", he has longer hair, a goatee and rides a Harley. HOWEVER, he is also the most responsible man I have ever been with.
He is kind, considerate, has never raised his voice to me in the almost 9 months we've been together. He knows my background, because he was interested in ME and asked. If we do go to a bar or club, he doesn't get drunk. He takes care of his father (93) and is patient with him.
I was wary about him at first, too. But our relationship has been a very pleasant surprise!
Sending Happiness you Way!