Its so hard isn't it.
You really need to go NC. absolutely, its the only way. block him on your mobile, Facebook, tweets, email wherever he is. Its the only way to move on.

I'm almost there. FB block and iPhone block are my final 2 steps. Breathe. Just Breathe. I honestly in a million years did not think he would contact me. He has a brilliant way of turning off his brain. It is part of the combat PTSD I think. Maybe it was wishful thinking. Ugh.

they do know angel. that's why blocking him finally will give you so much peace of mind, i promise. it will keep you from looking too. i played with fire in terms of no contact for almost a year...i found the more i broke it the harder it was to keep.

he will always contact you... is this what you need to prove to yourself?? in a way it is validating. but you could be validating yourself by blocking him which actually is taking a stand for your recovery. when we block and move on we are saying not one more minute of one more day will i allow him to have my energy or my precious heart or my life. he doesnt's deserve it.

can you lay back and imagine yourself a year from now?? 3 years from now? who are you with?? what is it like? what does it feel like? what do you have in common? is there fighting? are there games? is he available are you available? imagine it. you can have that.

and then hold the two next to each other whenever you feel like slipping. or even draw them or write about them and post them both on a wall next to each other.... choose wisely. and then don't think too hard about. don't weigh the decision, just go ahead and block him. get it done.... every time you get afraid read or look at your picture of your future... this is what you are fighting for. xoxoxooxooox

I used to find it hard to cut the ties, wanting to know they still were interested - and they always came back. It made me feel better to know that somehow, but not healthy for me, it messed with my head.
we are finished, means just that. You will have to mourn him and the loss of the ideas you had together ( or you had anyway!) but thats the way it is. He's out of your life because he doesn't deserve to be in it. End of. He won't change EVER. He isn't worthy! Let him go mess with someone else ( I know that hurts but he will anyway)
Let go.

There is some validation in him contacting you. I know that. There always will be to some extent. Know this - not one of the asshats I have been with disappeared forever. They ALL come back for a fix too. It's only after I ignored and let time pass that they usually left me alone. One idiot will contact me about once a year. Just as a "friend". I then have to tell him to never contact me again. He usually gets me through email. I finally blocked him I think this last time.

That is the crazy thing isn't it? They always come back. There is not one man I have been with who does not eventually come back. The man I dated before this one is still trying. I have blocked him from everything. He is now using his ten-year old daughter to contact me. That is just sad.

I don't want anyone's crumbs because I deserve better. Maybe I was waiting for this contact for some type of validation. I know he won't change and I know he will and may already be (Probably is) messing with someone else's mind - ouch. I need to sing "Let it go" over and over......and over and take those last steps.

i trust you will when you're good and ready....

sometimes that little eternal flicker keeps me holding on for way too long so i just go ahead and do it without thinking too much about it. there is nothing that cannot be undone again if you so choose... just go ahead and take a deep breath and do it. block him and then stay busy.... don't think too much about it. no need to. no need to analyze anything or figure out why this or why not that... just take action. then understanding and grieving can come.. then you can move forward.....

i went back and forth for a year....b/c i wasn't doing one day at a time the finality of it freaked me out. so that's the biggest thing....just one day, just today block him. tomorrow you can opt in or out again....

xoxoxoxoxo

Well I blocked him off FB this afternoon after a passive-aggressive tug and pull between the two of us. He text me last night - I finally responded with a simple "YW" later. Apparently it was not what he was looking for because our pics started disappearing off FB shortly after. That hurt, I felt like I was going to throw up. So I sucked it up and blocked him. If that hurt I can only imagine what I would feel when a pic of him and a woman showed up.

I did find out he talked to his aunt - who I met - last night, I imagine he was struggling after he finally opened the package I sent 2 weeks ago before break up (favorite team hat, mushy card, little balloon), contacted me, and I didn't respond with undying love and compassion. What did he expect. He ripped my heart in two a week ago! It pissed him off so he started deleting knowing it would hurt me. His childish actions pushed me to do what i needed to do. I actually feel relieved that I can no longer snoop.

I will agree that they all come back. I've only dated 5 men, all personality disordered.

The first was a narcissist, he wanted us to be friends after we broke up (7 yr relationship) but seeing how quickly he picked up the next one, I wanted nothing to do with him. He showed up at my front door last year, after 8 years of NO CONTACT (8 YEARS!). He somehow managed to track me down even though ALL my contact info and address had changed during that time.

The next was a sociopath. He stalked me for over a year after our brief (few months) on/off relationship. He had to be convicted of stalking before he finally left me alone.

The next was another narcissist (possible sociopath). Sexual predator who was supposed to be helping with the stalking case above. He got one he wanted from me and then disappeared. Severely traumatizing for me (I did not date for 5 yrs after this and I don't consider this a relationship, it was an abuse of power situation). Even he came back after a year and attempted to talk to me again.

The next, after the 5 yr break, was a sociopathic rapist last year that I had only dated for 6 weeks (6 dates) before the rape. He's the only one I expect to never hear from again as I pressed rape charges against him and even though the legal system is a total joke and refused to do anything about it (even though he was a felon on probation for 7 crimes at the time and admitted in texts to "losing control" after promising earlier in the day in texts that he wasn't going to try anything and then refused to cooperate with police or even go in for questioning) there is still a 20 yr statute of limitations on rape. So I don't expect to ever hear from this one. Plus, there's a good chance I'd kill him if he came anywhere near me.

The current one was left up in the air on communication. There was an ultimatum for him to start dealing with his issues and we could work on that. However, I don't hear from him for long periods of time and he doesn't work on his issues. But I still get "nothing texts" from him.

I can definitely relate to feeling validated when they do contact. I felt better when he sent the last text, even though I'm not going to respond unless he sends something more meaningful and shows that he's doing something about his issues.

I am sorry for your heartaches Agent. Unreal to know we keep picking these men. Why do we need them to validate us? When I met the latest he told me his picker was broken. NO, my picker is broken. It is so hard and here I sit feeling guilty. Should I have responded and in a more positive manner? Was he trying to reach out and I shut him down? What does he expect after ripping my heart out and not speaking to me since? Why can't we just shut it off and move on from these men who are bad for us? Why do we still want them?

I had one ex that never came back and that was fine with me. He was an idiot anyway. The others did at some point. My now ex that I was with for 12 yrs moved on very quickly after our relationship was over and I haven't heard one peep from him in 6 months. He is the type that I could see may never contact me again. He was a runner and that is his way of solving problems. I'll admit I would look at the phone all the time at first to see if he sent a text or called, but now I no longer do that.

I think you will begin to heal and move on once you go NC like everyone else has said and block him. It's not fair that these guys get to mess with us, treat us poorly, and then get pissed when we actually stand up for ourselves. My ex walked all over me like a doormat and left all the time- I always took him back. The minute I put my foot down and told him I needed to move on he was out the door. It's crazy making behavior and don't let him suck you back into it. It is really hard to walk away from crazy behavior sometimes!

Because we don't believe were worthy of the good ones.

I have sabotaged every good relationship I have been in.
Think about it...we all have.

I had a good, healthy relationship once….I was so bored!
and obviously stupid!
x

You weren't bored. You just had nothing to occupy yourself with. Nothing to numb your own pain. IMO