Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I understand that holidays are a tough time for many of us. Whether are healing from a relationship gone wrong or in a relationship that we are struggling to keep ourselves healthy in. The holidays bring out traits in us and in others in our lives that may not come out at any other time of the year. For we women who love too much we tend to get a bit needy, Yeah, I said it - hate me if you must! :-) I am speaking from experience. I am in a relationship and as I posted a few weeks ago I am beginning to have needy moments. If I don't hear form him in my brain begins to cycle. I have to get busy and stay that way so bad behaviors do not surface. For instance this weekend he was planning to get a lot of holiday things done with his girls - trim the tree, see Santa, etc. My daughter and I were planning to go with him but he shoots me a text and asked if it would be OK if he hung with just his girls this weekend because they have so much to do in a short time - then I could spend some mommy time with my daughter too. First - I think OH NO - he's blowing me off!! I had to sit and think - OK, he and his girls just spent Thanksgiving Day and night until 1 the next day with you. You went to see a tree lighting Thanksgiving night, he asked if it was cool for the weekend to change - he didn't tell! ( I answered "Of course that is fine, thank you for telling me") I got a few random text this weekend - pictures, etc. tree up, girls at Santa). So when i CALMED DOWN I TOLD MYSELF - HAVE FUN! So my daughter and I spent the weekend doing fun holiday things. I took care of me and realized that he was right. We are together but we are separate people too. I imagine I will talk to him tonight - if not y'all might see me back on here.
LET'S USE THIS THREAD IN A POSITIVE WAY. LET'S TALK HERE ABOUT HOW WE BEGAN TO SPUN OUT OF CONTROL OVER THE PAST HOLIDAY AND AS OTHERS APPROACH. LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW WE CAUGHT OUR BEHAVIOR AND CORRECTED IT - IF WE DID NOT MAKE THE CORRECTION LET'S LEARN FROM EACH OTHER AND SEE HOW WE CAN HANDLE IT BETTER NEXT TIME - Progress not Perfection!!
LET'S USE THIS THREAD IN A POSITIVE WAY. LET'S TALK HERE ABOUT HOW WE BEGAN TO SPUN OUT OF CONTROL OVER THE PAST HOLIDAY AND AS OTHERS APPROACH. LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW WE CAUGHT OUR BEHAVIOR AND CORRECTED IT - IF WE DID NOT MAKE THE CORRECTION LET'S LEARN FROM EACH OTHER AND SEE HOW WE CAN HANDLE IT BETTER NEXT TIME - Progress not Perfection!!
like what is behind your need for him to call??? your desperation? what is that about?? anxiety and the need for reassurance?? can you reassure yourself? can you cheerlead yourself? can you have a conversation with yourself and tell yourself that nothing has changed? a little space is not evidence that he wants to break up??
see if you can figure out what is behind the need and if you can help yourself meet your own need??? but please don't invalidate your needs. they are all valid and based on a solid reason. if you need your child to hold your hand in the parking lot so you can make sure he's safe that's something you can expect of him. if he hasn't called and you become desperate and clingy you can use distress tolerance DBT and you can sort some stuff out and meet your own needs. unmet needs make us anxious and that's how it spins out of control into desperation and then we have to stop ourselves from acting on that…..
we really can help ourselves through this….it's understandable considering most of us have a lifetime of emotional neglect and or abuse….be gentle with yourself……validate yourself…….it's the magic sauce….always.