A friend of mine recently made this statement so i thought I would share....The best revenge is to be happy!

Its never too late to be who you might have been

No contact is key to taking back the power and keeping it.

You are right...everytime he rejects me with his anger and coldness (I'm in a bind (I cant just NC) as we are tyring to do the divorce paperwork uncontested to save $) I am giving him my power. I feel weak and frightened. And because I want to get back at him but have no way to I continue to give him my power by wasting my time focusing on it. I have to accept I will never have revenge or validation for what happened to me. It is a waste of my energy to spend any time even considering it. Thanks so much for writing this, it is key and going on my index cards!

TAke back my power by focusing on my future without him. Let him live with his anger and cold empty shell of a person's life. AT this point I can see why so many women leave with nothing just to get out.

Ugh if only it were that easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like I am willing to do whatever it takes to let go of this down to a having lobotomy! Its like I am an alcoholic and I am constantly pouring alcohol (my thoughts) down my throat and then wondering how I got drunk. Its like I have a missing link in there. I seem to be missing the great healing tool. I try to control it and read my books over and over again and I lose most of the time.

Girls, we have to go easy on ourselves in this stage. Part of the grieving is the good and the bad. I know we'll come to the day we quit looking back. For me, it's less and less . . . but part of my past determines what will NOT be in my future. I don't long for anything I had with him. It was all a deception / illusion.

Some days more than others I find myself obsessing over what was, and mad I didn't know what I know now. I had to gather my soul back that I so graciosly gave him. So focusing on the future is good for me.

we need to acknowledge our past, allow us to heal from our past, but not FOCUS on it is what i am saying. not forget it. but i tend to dwell on what could have been, the time ive lost in life because of them. because of myself. and i tend to kick myself a little and it gets me feeling down on myself. i forget about the future, about what i can do NOW to make the future i want to happen. i need to move forward. its like driving i guess, you dont look back when you are headed towards a destination, you use your review mirrors and watch what is behind you, and if something is in the way when you change lanes you either wait for it to pass, or speed ahead of it. i cant drive forward while im staring backwards.

I agree with you Dracona healing me requires me to focus on me. i will learn from my mistakes but not dwell on them. I will heed the red flags and its not just the men in my life that are N's. I will learn to love from a distance when necessary and I will set appropriate boundaries...but tomorrow belongs to me. Shall we drive? ;)!!

I feel like i've wasted 13 years of my life ........ my entire 20's ..........

Taking back our own power is what my therapist consistenly focuses on. I have to run out the door but when I return I will post an exercise she gave me on power and how we give it away.

How about I hop in the back seat and be a passenger lol!! Maybe you 2 will rub off on me and I will be able to drive again!!!

Absolutely....hope you enjoy the ride ;)!!

while were at it, lets have sunshine and a drop top convertible. but i might have to get a bus to fit everyone LOL.
and nioaxx, ive wasted my WHOLE life on them. i was raised in an abusive dysfunctional home, and from the first person who ever kissed me up till now has been nothing but drama and abuse. when i was 14 i had my first kiss, and thought we would be together forever. was devastated when he broke up with me to where i couldnt function. i just wanted someone to love me. when i was 16 i met one who abused me and stalked me. threatened me with knives. had me making coffee and dinner for him, and throwing it in my face when it was too hot or too cold. i quit school, and moved to another town, with another guy. who didnt even speak english. eventually he started using coke and meth or whatever he was on, tried to lock me in the house and beat the crap out of me, luckily i was strong enough to overpower him and get the upper hand. i dont want to know what would have happened if i hadnt. went in the army, found another, and another. then got pregnant by one. ill be 28 december 5th. ive spent the last couple years away from him fighting depression and trying to find my reality again. trying to find who i am again.
trying to salvage what is left of me.

the cycle has to end. it has to be done, or it will be the rest of my life wasted. im tired of being depressed, im tired of dwelling on this! time to drive forward.

It doesn't sound a million miles away from my past hun ..... It's great to find others out there like me!!!

You know what????? I have my own convertible and I've been soooooooo unhappy this year I never put the roof down at all :-( x