Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I am rounding out the first week of being in my own place. I have a list of things to accomplish this weekend to really get myself organized and ready to start again on Monday. I enjoy my evenings of television and wine and solitude but my mornings the anxiety hits hard. I want a home, a family and a partner so badly. I am turning 39 at the end of the year and I know that if I am going to have any children it is going to have to be soon and probably with the help of fertility treatments. I am nowhere close to achieving these goals and it's making me lose hope. I look back on all the dead end relationships I allowed myself to be in. I truly want to fix this. I want to fix my life for good. I know it all starts with me - I want to feel attractive again. I want to feel vital again. Happy. Content & full of promise. I know being alone is exactly where I should be. I don't want to waste a minute of this time I have for myself...just where do I begin???
I am allowing myself to feel sorry for myself when the feeling comes over me but not let it get in the way of my goals and obligations. I am still going to put myself together, go to work and do the things I need to do. (This is my self talk) I live in NYC for cripes sake, I think I can find a few good people out of the 7 million who live here.
i really feel that angst and pain and worry b/c i got myself in a similar situation with my ex husband we got divorced before i turned forty. i didn't get to have kids. i could have adopted on my own. and i would still like to be a foster parents. i'm 47 now so that part of my life is OVER and there is nothing i can do. older folks here know how difficult that struggle was for me. i really thought that was my purpose in my life to be a mom in whatever way. i had an excruciating grieving process and internal maternal clock. all my friends have kids all around me my whole life....but i didn't get to take them home at the end of the day. anyway, my point is that sometimes we sabotage ourselves. i had to learn to live with that.
we are not in charge of the timing on our healing process. i hope you don't give up on your healing b/f you go back to your goals b/c then what you'd have is an unwell mom and wife teaching your children this legacy...trying to make it work again, suffering and struggling......
I know it is not easy to hear this, but I am just sharing my own experience. I used to be this person that pushed through brick walls both in my work life and at home. If you told me "no", I would somehow find a way to make it happen. At work, people knew me as someone who could make things happen no matter what..So I hear what you say about making it happen and completely get where you are coming from.
But, now older and wiser at 44, I know unless and until you surrender to life, you are going to struggle. As Finn says, we are not in charge of the timing of our healing process or anything else for that matter. All we can do is to follow the signposts and see where life takes us..
My son is autistic and recently I heard a very good piece of advice about how to deal with him when he was in full meltdown mode..If you act like you only have 5 minutes - then you will be waiting all day..If you act like you have all day - then the meltdown will be over in 5 minutes..Something to think about:)..Much love and really glad you are settled into your new place.
Thank you for sharing it.
And Belle, You are amazing. You seem sound and clear and it's inspiring.
(((hugs)))