I know. I'm sorry that you have to go through this.

All of us deserve better.

yeah. It's too bad we don't believe it sometimes

My every encounter with X was an incredible disappointment too but deep down I still don't believe that I deserve better. I'm currently stuck in the feeling of rejection and I can't stop asking myself "why?" There must be something wrong with me if he doesn't want me. Like I feel it's my fault that he rejects me. Like what did I do to deserve this? Like why the f*ck is this happening to me while other people are happily married? This is of course my childhood pattern, my parents were angry at me, they were criticizing me all the time because I did something wrong or I didn't behave or I had bad notes in school (or rather, not good enough). I always felt not good enough. I guess I'm used to that.
It must get better some day.

You sound so healthy missmom. I agree with u... It's so exhausting. The back and forth drains me. But you really sound strong and you give me hope! Keep up the good work

Creo-- I know that feeling. Not understanding why they won't fight for us or do whatever it takes to make it work. I just don't get it. It's like they think they can always come back whenever they want. I don't wanna be his backup plan or fallback girl. But I've shown him he can do whatever and I'll still be here

Creo and StayStrong: Like the reading material explains - I don't think it's US that they are not fighting for. They are not fighting for themselves to change themselves. Finding new meat is easier than changing the things that we are are brave enough to call to the surface. These men have to find fault in every woman who attempts to call them out on their crap. Even if we didn't try to change them it would never be enough. We could never do enough or be enough for them to want to stay long term.

I have seen this cycle with my own eyes. It's a cycle. A game of new meat - whether that means finding a new woman or rotating back to an ex who he can convince he is reformed.


My N boyfriend (soon to be ex LOL) said it to me clearly in one of our many breakups: "I don't like being told how I am." Uhhhh and he thinks he will out run this from other woman? No. He said "I don't think about tomorrow. I just act on today." That about says it.

BUT IF FEELS SO FREAKING PERSONAL, DOESN'T IT?! ARGH! My rational mind understands all these concepts as they make perfect sense and the proof is undeniable.... and yet... my emotional self is constantly playing the victim. So Fing tire of it.

Acorn! Wow u really are speaking truth. They would rather start new with someone who doesn't have a clue how messed up they are. Cause they just see us as women who are nagging and negative to them. Mine tells me I exhaust him and when we split its so nice not to answer to anyone. I have always called him out on his crap. Oddly he told me in the beginning he liked my strength. And of course he swore he was going to never hurt me like the others. They don't want to change. It's who they are. It's easier to rotate another girl in but yet still keep us on the bait when they are bored with the new meat. I'm better than someone's scraps of time. I'm fighting for me now. No more accepting crap.

Thank you Staystrong, I do feel strong but I didn't come out of a box like this. It's not easy. I can easily be a mess if i let myself fall apart. But I've been practicing staying strong. I have a 4 year old that I'm raising on my own so I don't have a choice but to stay on top of things...even on top of my own emotions, which can be daunting.

Acorn, shortly before I ended it with M, he came over for a coffee one day, I hadn't seen him in weeks. WEEKS! ok? he lives 5 minutes from me and I hadn't seen my bf in almost a month. Anyway, as if that's not shitty enough, at one point he was telling me about this sportscar he was thinking of buying, 2 passenger sportscar and so I ask if he'll take me for a spin when he gets it. (Imagine, I seriously felt teh need to ask, that alone is fckd up on so many levels) So he goes on to tell me that he will only if I'm good. whatever that means. At this point I'm getting annoyed, I tell him to watch his mouth, that I won't be around to put up with this crap, if he keeps it up. He looks at me and chuckles and says he can have me whenever and however he wants me.
yeah.
That was enough to get the ball rolling on being done with this asshole for good.
He was so sure of himself.
What I'm saying by all this is that I did play my part in all this. I allowed it. But now it's over. Halleluiah

I just cringe when i think of how hard i worked at accommodating him... what a pushover he must think I am..Never called him out on his crap, I thought i was being patient and understanding.. I was just scared he would lose interest!




ugh

And I'll bet That's exactly why he lost interest.
My mother always said, the more you give a man, the less you'll have him.

I know! Ewwwww :(

I need to find a way to regain my dignity and failing that, erase that whole episode out of my memory!