I hear you. Seems they are so few and far between.

You're not the only one who is considering these questions. I've been with a couple of guys that I would consider "decent", I even married one, but of course I wasn't well enough to appreciate them at the time. I couldn't have a completely intimate relationship with them because they didn't elicit those butterflies that only N's can produce. I look around and it seems like everyone is holding hands and in love, but I have to recognize that my terrible relationship probably looked a lot that that on the outside, too. It's harder for us to find decent guys now because we know the red flags and we are more selective. You could find a bum in a New York minute, but a good guy will take some time to recognize.

A GREAT TOPIC. I think good guys can be pretty much anywhere (but obviously not say, a strip club or something).

I am still figuring this out too. But from my limited experience, they are attractive in a DIFFERENT way. We are attracted to them because they are so caring, we feel we can trust them, we feel safe with them, etc.

I think a key to watch for is HOW THEY MAKE US FEEL. These can be red flags too!!! If you feel crazy, obsessed, can't sleep, nervous, sweating around a guy, according to Sandra Brown it is not actually 'love' but a sign they are not good for us. A good guy makes us feel somehow calmer, more at peace. They make us feel loved and supportive. They make us feel cared for.

There is one dude I met recently who was like this. Somehow I could just tell he was a nice guy. I felt good around him.

I always feel as if nice guys wont hold my interest. They seem boring to me, but I know it is because I don't feel the butterflies, because I am not living the extremes. My whole life has seemed an all or nothing experience. I think I feel the high from someone I know is not good for me, but if I can just get him to love me, it will have to be special because he is really not capable of loving. I just feel that with my loving he can find himself and realize what a good thing we could have. Agh....my intellectual part tells me that is a bunch of crap, but emotionally it sure feels good. The highs feel better than anything I can think of, to feel so special, so loved. But then comes the neglect and the lack of texts or phone calls and I am back to asking myself: "what could I have done different to keep him interested in me?"