Hey Miss:
I didn't tell you this because it wasn't relevant until now but I met my ex at a camp and exactly a year later had to do exactly what you're doing.
But let me give you my story so you have the other side of the coin to think about...I went back, hadn't seen him in some time, he was SUPER NICE (it was a volunteer camp so I couldn't avoid him like you can in Florida) and I could tell he had been looking forward to this opportunity to see me again. He stuck close by my side (didn't do this when we were dating) and was very helpful and kind (also not his style mostly) and I was cautious but thought maybe he "saw the light" during our break. He said all the right things, did all the right things, and I was back to hooked.
I got home where I saw him once, and then found out he had been dating someone else while we were apart. He said he would end it with her because he wanted to be with me so bad. She was an ex who lived long distance (back near his parents across the country) and he claimed he had only seen her once when he visited home. I believed him. Then he left for the 2 week trip out to vacation with his family. I was insecure about him seeing her while he was out there but he assured me that wouldn't happen, that he still loved me and only me.
He never called, answered a call or returned a text the entire time he was gone.
When he came back and I finally got in touch with him, he was cold and distant. He said he had a "girlfriend" and wanted me to leave him alone. Said he had only used me to get the upper hand, etc. He said all he could to push me away. You probably remember that's when I started posting here, I was nuts. I was SO HURT that he was playing a game (and I've heard you reference the "upper hand" thing with M too...like it's always one of you who is taking the lead) and I'm here to tell you that's a sick game. It's a bad mental space and no good comes of it.
After he spent a few days saying those things to me over and over, I finally got it. I had to go No Contact to end the abuse, the mental hold he had over me. I'm not "cured" of him by any means but if I could do one thing differently, I would go back in time and avoid seeing him on that trip. I would have missed all of this suffering had I just done that.
Just a cautionary tale for a woman who is already stronger than I was back then, so I know in my heart you will be JUST FINE.
xoxo

Thank you Maryland.
I can't imagine M doing something like that and believe me he's done some shitty things.
But yeah, I will not take the chance in ruining my vacation AND my progress by contacting him.
He's not making it easy though..he's still in contact, saying things he has never said.
You see M would never put himself in a position that would REALLY steer me away, even if he is seeing someone new. That's because he's selfish. He will never tell me to get lost, because he wants to keep me hooked on him.
In any case, I'm not falling for any of it.

Well my ex wanted me hooked (and I was) for months while he was deciding if he still wanted me. He had to secure something new and "better" first. Then he cut loose all the cruelty (before then I got it in small doses and mostly through him ignoring me or being disinterested). Good luck sweetie. Get your tan on!

:)

I had one like that too miss. he was never mean or abusive. never really broke it off so he could have the security. I think it's harder sometimes when they act nice most of the time.

It's so confusing.
I know that if I pick up the phone right now, he'll be happy (or satisfied, rather)
He never saw anything wrong with our relationship. It was smooth sailing for him. So if I'd initiate contact, it would be liek me saying 'hey there, I decided I'm okay with eating shit, let's hook up!'

ya...no way.

good one.

I hope you have a great trip and break from this and I pray that you can not let his presence there affect your holiday.
I was just at a meeting for the festival that I have dreaded tonight and was in close proximity with my ex. Long story there--he sent me a long (the longest I have received in a LONG time) email telling me how much he misses me, loves me, wants to be able to hang out with me, loves when we are just 'in the moment' (ie. no heaviness or 'rehashing of the past' ahem), etc., etc. It was an overture for the weekend so that he might have a good weekend with me and at my expense (both). I took a day to respond but I did respond because I needed to clarfiy where I am at and say my peace. I spoke with him briefly today before the meeting because I can't handle the tension and wondering. it was GOOD for me. On my terms. I am seeing him so much more clearly and I get it all so much more. I actually feel sorry for him (as in, I feel compassion). He had such an amazing opportunity with me and he couldn't do it. I told him that it's like I got hit by a train and I was in the hospital for a long time and I just got out of the hospital. I may be able to offer him friendship in time but for now, I am healing and I need to stay on my path. I really mean it. I know I deserve so much. I gave too much, loved too much in the face of knowing his many shortcomings, his tragic life, his rage, his limitations and the undeniably crappy feeling I felt most of the time in his company. Why did I allow myself to be with someone who didn't adore me, love me well and show me attention and affection?
I think we all get to where we need to go in our own time. I have had so many steps forward and steps back. It is the way I needed to go to learn. I see the truly manipulative and yet sorrowful look in his eyes and I know it is not for me but I am able to feel compassion. It took me so long to get here. It is just how I feel and am for today.

Creo, I loved your analogy of being hit by a train. I understand it. You are making incredible progress. You are an inspiration to me.

so strong creo.

Creo, I think each and every one of us need to deal with our issues in our own unique way. Maryland's NC seems to be a GODSEND. Same goes for many members here. What happened with you at teh meeting was probably your Godsend. Take it with stride, There are no rules. There is no right or wrong. There is nothing to prove. I'm glad you're in a good place right now. Savor it :)

I'm not sure what's good for me.
I still haven't had it in me to make contact, I don't foresee it happening. I just don't see anything good coming out of it. For teh first time, it's not so much about proving a point and not at all about getting a reaction out of him. Been there, done that. I just really have nothing to say to him. I miss him like crazy. But when I get an ever so slight itch to text him, this wall goes up automatically. My common sense is NOT down with that. My ego however, so loves to see his name appear on my phone, it's so delicious to know he's thinking about me. I wanna punch my ego in the throat!

Just keep doing what you are doing Miss and try to enjoy your vacation.

:) count on it Whynot!

yeah. get a super hot tan to go with blonde hair. living well is the best revenge but being a hot chick definitely runs a close second. lol

LOL. true that!
I plan on it.
I'll have my ipad so I'll definately see you ladies on here as I'm sitting by the pool with a glass of white wine :)