Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
That’s the thing about self help. How do you know which is the right one or even the right one for you? How do you know which mantra to follow? Which new psychology is the sign of our times? How do I know it works? Sigh…
When my parents were kids they lived across the street from each other. My father fell in love with my mother when they were very young and what he would do to get her attention is write her a love note, wrap it around a rock and throw it through her open window. Now even if that rock hit her on the head, it’s the purest form of true love he could exhibit.
Fast Forward 60-some years. I’m waiting for Mr.X to respond to a good morning text I sent him at 6:45am. My screen says he hasn’t seen it yet but my gut says he has – only he hasn’t opened it from the inbox page. It says delivered, but not received. BBM.
Fckn Hogwash, I hate technology.
I’ve just started chatting with someone I met online, someone I actually like. The convo was fluid, we seemed to have an easy chemistry. It felt good. But then he went quiet. So…Bitch or Vulnerable? I chose vulnerable this morning and said good morning…to no avail. I guess I shoulda been a bitch.
:(
When my parents were kids they lived across the street from each other. My father fell in love with my mother when they were very young and what he would do to get her attention is write her a love note, wrap it around a rock and throw it through her open window. Now even if that rock hit her on the head, it’s the purest form of true love he could exhibit.
Fast Forward 60-some years. I’m waiting for Mr.X to respond to a good morning text I sent him at 6:45am. My screen says he hasn’t seen it yet but my gut says he has – only he hasn’t opened it from the inbox page. It says delivered, but not received. BBM.
Fckn Hogwash, I hate technology.
I’ve just started chatting with someone I met online, someone I actually like. The convo was fluid, we seemed to have an easy chemistry. It felt good. But then he went quiet. So…Bitch or Vulnerable? I chose vulnerable this morning and said good morning…to no avail. I guess I shoulda been a bitch.
:(
the thing is we cannot make ourselves behave that way b/c we have an underlying disorder a major problem. addiction.
that's all i can say about your post.
Thanks anyway.
to pick a book to help you is possible if you dig deep and listen closely. but in the end it's a book. reading the book is not the same as doing the work ya know??
what are you working on that we can support you with??? are you working on no contact? are you working on willingness to do the work?? are you wanting to stop going to dating sites?? what are you struggling with?? what is the hardest thing for you?? talk to us about your despair and pain and we are there...
when i read your post i felt like it wasn't you it was your disease talking rationalizing which person (the bitch or the vulnerable) will get the response you were seeking.... we don't want to enable that disease. we want to help you reach your own goals and get well so you can have a healthy relationship, we care about YOU!! not about who you are dating or how you are turning yourself into to get the desired outcome....
who are YOU WHAT DO YOU WANT??? that's what i want too....do yu know what i'm saying??? can you discern the disease talking in your post?? b/c i'm not saying i'm right, i'm sharing my reaction with you....out of love not judgment.
Right now I have no patience to wait for ANYTHING a man does or says. It's all about me now. And if I feel like being really kind, than I have to tell myself it was kindness from me. Really had nothing to do with him. I feel good when I act kind to myself and being kind to myself would be to have responded and not sat around completely 100% absorbed by his response or behavior. Now let me say that that is EXACTLY my old behavior. I am just trying desperately to change it. You should tell yourself you deserve much much better.
i'll leave it at that..
I'm not sure I would use bitch as the alternative but definitely we have to be very cautious, wary and guarded in the beggining Iuntill we are sure the guy is genuine and trustworthy with our vulnerability..
I would say if you are feeling this vulnerable with this guy, slow down and make sure these are not red flags.
Hang in there!
I LOVE the story of your parents
Bubbles, thank you :) I love telling that story.
About the guy - He msgd me last night to apologize. he said he reconnected with someone he had been chatting with just a week prior to me and he was going to pursue it. He said he didn't want to lead me on because I'm a good girl. sigh. Oh well. Sucks. I appreciate his honesty though.
So friends..This morning I deleted my account on that site.
I'm on one other dating site and my membership expires in a few days.
That's all for me. I will have to meet Mr. Right at the grocery store one day or something...
i just wanted to comment one more time how much i appreciate you saying something about the way my post left you feeling b/c i am VERY direct. i am a little bit of a hard ass as well. that comes from working in child protection and substance abuse.... i've seen some really bad choices among some really bad people (very violent) and also really good people. but i had to call them out either way........ it's all just life to me...i don't judge anyone for their choices when they are seeking to do better.
if you are a mess right now, we'll hold you up. we'll hold you in the light. it will get better it always does....even some of the most hopeless of situations can improve.......envision a circle of us with locked arms around you for now...rest and reboot. save your strength and then dig in.......
if you decide to date right now (before you have healed) i'm not sure how to show up for you on that front, however i will always be here and support whatever choices you make for your own life.....
I haven't decided on anything other than deleting my profiles on both sites. I decided to delete the second one too. Could not wait for it to expire so they can try to entice me into renewing. Screw that. Cyberdating is a dark and mean world and it was eating me alive. It feels wierd, it's been somewhat of a constant in my life for years now. It's been my only source to meet men. Although I feel liberated, it's also kind of a void right now. Well..I will have to fill that void with better things.
Excuse me while I go try to meet myself :) - fully.