Another victory to add to this. Since these postings he's texted me before today 2 times both times I ignored and deleted where he basically asked why I wasn't returning his msgs. Today tho I guess he's really missing what ever fulfillment I brought him because he called me 11 times in a 30 minute period and texted me 2 times as well in the same time. I don't know what he wants. From his sister he says he wants to salvage whatever "friendship" is there since we've known each other for half our lives but I didn't give in. I knuckled down and was driving with a friend and her kid so I pulled over after the last time he called on a highway and screamed at the top of my lungs calling him any name I could think of and cried for a minute til I was out of breath. Gathered myself back up and got back to driving.

Just wanted to let some of you know that even tho we may give in sometimes, sometimes even tho we really want to we have to stand up for what's right and that includes ourselves. It's hard, it's not easy and we may not feel the pay off but it will come back around in it's due time. I'm on a small vacation so I haven't been around but wanted to make sure I let you all know I struggle with this stuff on a daily basis just like everyone. Hope everyone has a great week and a greater weekend.

I know that was hard angel. good job.

So you picked up his call and screamed? Or just got the scream out of your system?

Either way, I admire your courage. I am day 59 of no contact and I don't know what I would do if he tried to contact me. You inspire me and make me feel stronger.

Nope no response from me to him. Sorry I didn't say that. Yes it's hard, wanted to answer so badly but I have to think what would I really get from it? What benefit would I receive and why exactly is it so important now for him to reach out to me. Really it's just something he needs from me, whether it be my attention, my money, my love or support and yet he can't give me any of those and other stuff. No need to answer. Good thing my friend was with, she took my phone, kept turning off the sound and deleting the text msgs as they came in. lol Thank you Swelsha and Redbeck I hope it helps some people out there to see it can be done, even struggle with it but know better. It will be 4 months August 2. I get stronger every day little by little.

besides the man show, how was the trip?

Lol well I am still in TX. Got in Saturday will be here til this Saturday or Sunday. Just been hanging out with my gf. Took her shopping on some of my winnings from coming down (won some more money at casino when I came this way) bought her some clothes and tomorrow is my reiki session and her massage session. Should be relaxing!! :) Excited about it. Her husband is also fixing a few laptops for me and the pieces came in today. Going to the Coyote Ugly bar on Friday (crossing fingers) just to say we been there. Just relaxing and enjoying the visit. Hope you are doing well Swelsha. :)

Got another friend in need and she'll be at my house next week while my dad works on her truck, so I get to spend some time with her as well. Can't wait for my babies to come back, not sure when they will be yet. :)

so awesome ang. so very proud of you and YES you ARE an inspiration to us all. Btw I love calling you the nickname ang. because I LOVE Avatar the Last Airbender and of course his name is Ang. :) much love.

Thank you ladeesse! I really appreciate the support. :) Yes that's cute too about the nickname, never thought of that one before. It's hard this whole deal and I hope that those out there that struggle with this see it, you just have to keep yourself busy. Know that you deserve more than they had/have to offer and that if they loved us and cared for us as much as we did than they would show it instead of fumigate about it. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!

Reading through this thread I want to share this-

On my way to my therapist today, I am ashamed to say I ended up calling and leaving him a message tears and all. I also told him I knew he wouldn't care. I was right- not a text or a phone call. This after he had told me he would like us to still talk, as he "cares deeply for me".

I had also prayed to everyone I could think of after that while driving. Guardian Angels, Archangels, Guides, God, The Universe, anyone that has passed on that may be surrounding me that I may not know about that is on the other side---- to PLEASE help me. I also asked to be able to get over him and let him go. I also prayed I would have a very, very clear sign that I was being helped, or guided.

Perhaps his not calling back is that sign. A big smack me in the face, this is my reality ---SIGN. He has no compassion for me at all to call me and check on me. I have never, ever called him and left a message in tears before.
Never.

Because of his paying me grocery money, I could never truly have NC before. Now I guess with his refusal to pay any--- there is nothing to get in the way of that.

His not calling me tells me all I need to know.....

Well how I told someone was this: What exactly would he say if I contacted him? Would he be there for me or be needing me for something? Would he show me love, respect and be trustworthy? Would he say positive things to keep me up or stuff to shoot me down? Could he ever be a rock that I can count on, or would I be dragged down by him? The old WIIFM---what's in it for me?? Would I just be the giver as I always was? I think so. If you haven't already seen my journal, it's public I will post it on here.

I dealt with multiple run in with his crazy ex, who burnt out house down in 2004, lived with him while he decided drinking and gaming was more important than his family and responsibilities, I would clean that house (2500 sq ft) the best I could with little or not help from him or the kids (5), dealt with him throwing things (4 times over a 9 year period), dealt with some punishments he gave the kids that I didn't completely agree with, was used to him belittling and criticizing everything about me (weight, clothes, hair, looks, attitude, etc), he told me I needed to be put on depression meds because I wasn't as spunky as he thought I should be, I was referred to as "cold" in bed, I was abused mentally because he wasn't happy that I wouldn't do a few things sexually with him because I didn't like to, he would do his deeds with his porn (knowing I didn't like it), when we first moved in together I moved from another state, helped him fight for custody of his kids (2 different court cases), had to defend myself and him against DFS (department of Family Services) over false claims made by his own daughter or his ex, did more of the men's jobs around the house with the cleaning such as fixing things, mowing yard, etc, was told since I got child support and he didn't that I had more responsibility to pay for things and had to use my child support to pay for bills, when I would do yard sales he would tell me what I needed to do with the money like paying for new tires for truck, I had to constantly get him off the kids when they were done playing because he wouldn't stop when they said they were done, ridiculed me because I didn't cook, told me he couldn't understand any of my reasoning behind why I would get so upset that I made no sense to him, he tried to get me to enroll in some program over seas to work on helicopters because they make good money (he couldn't because he burns too easily and I was to send him all the money I made), supported most of his decisions without doubting him, his daughter threatened to get my kids taken away from me (he didn't care, no talk was given) helped all the kids evenly with homework when I could, tried to be there for his oldest son because he felt he couldn't talk to his dad, ExN would refer to himself as a single parent because for about 5 years he worked 1st shift and I worked 2nd (always threw that in my face how I had no real opinions or thoughts in regards to what was going on because I wasn't there) and when ever I tried to talk about things he would never help find solutions to the problems, told me I was just trying to start issues when there was none instead of trying to look at it from my side.

Even after all this and more I still love him. I would love to be able to talk with him and make things work out but he's never shown me respect, love or even had to try for this relationship. I did more than my share of things and he never saw it. He really did tell others I was lazy. Why should I or anyone put up with someone who can't respect us, love and be there for us as much as we are or were for them? It's not fair to us. I feel sorry for everyone who has put themselves on the line, loving too much while their partners could care less but we DESERVE the love we are able to give and nothing less. This life is too short to continue worrying about those people that don't/can't/won't give us love in the same measurements as we give out. I know I minimize the crap I went through, a lot. I wasn't physically abused, I wasn't sexually abused, it could have been worse in many ways but I know deep down I deserve more and better. Feel free to check out my journals in regards to the things I went through over the last year. I joined last fall and officially he broke it off with me in April. This month tho has been a month of changes, lots, a death, him suddenly calling me out of the blue, etc. I hope it helps others and feel free to add on this or comment on my journals I love feed back and encouragement, we all need it, and ladeesse we all know those days when we reach out and are let down, believe me it's hard to not give in. It really is, it's a struggle I deal with. If I have those itches, I call a friend, get on here, lose myself in a book or a movie, go for a drive, anything that allows my mind to get off "him." I'm sorry you had a bad day but tomorrows a new one.

thank you Ang. (SO love calling you that). I will do so. You truly have been through and suffered through a lot. I admire your strength. much love.

He didn't give up. Total of 13 calls and 5 text msgs. He was really upset I wasn't replying back. His last 2 text msgs were:

So this is how it's going to be??

NVM


Still I didn't respond. Just deleted and texted a friend about it. You would think he would get the hint when there was no reply. I know it's eating him up and I am sure I will hear from him again in a few days. Friends say to change my number or block his but at this junction I need it to keep me strong in some ways. Knowing that I can and choose not to respond helps me keep my head on. I don't know how long tho, I know if he keeps it up I will have to do one or the other.

Keep strong everyone!!