Cindy,

I am sorry your morning has been so hard. I have had those dyas.

I have never been to a meeting but ironically my mom has been begging me to attend and says it will really serve me and where I am in my life.

Im pretty nervous to go given that I will fall back into the look for a guy while I am there and begin the cycle all over again.

Let me know if you go

I have finally gotten my work for the college class I teach finished. Good thing I don't really have to focus!

Jen, I hear what you are saying!! That is one of my thoughts as well. I need to stay away from the men that would be at this type of meeeting. I know that sounds odd, but that is one of the reason my ex and I got together and had such a bond in thevery beginning. It had lots to do with what we had gone through with our parents when we grew up.

However, I would be able to see the red flags with individuals in this group. Plus we are there to support each other and that we should not be crossing the line.

I have to look at this group for what it is. Cindy

I have been to some meetings. I think it is normal to be afraid of your first meeting. I literally almost had a total breakdown when I walked in the room for my first support group meeting (not al-anon). But they are all very friendly, accepting people. Don't be afraid. And you don't have to talk or anything if you don't want to, and most groups won't even ask you on your first meeting. You just sit and listen to people talk and read.

I used to go to Al-anon meetings over 20 years ago, and it was mainly women. Very rarely would a man be there. One of the things they teach you in recovery is not to date for the first year, so don't worry that you will run into another co-addict that wants to hook up. Just let them know: I am not dating for a year. If they are serious about recovery, they will completely understand. If they are manipulators they will show their colors and you will know to stay away.

I attend a variety 12 step meetings (Sanon, CODA, OA) and I have only ever been made to feel welcome and if I was at home.

Change is scary. New behavior is scary. Stretch and do it!!! You will be so happy you did.

I think I am going to give it a try next Tuesday! Thanks for the support! I will be so nervous about this, until I get there of course. I would love to go to therapy in a live group allowing me to about things we talk about in here!!

Sorry you're having such a horrible day, I started going to Overeaters Anonymous meeting 18 months ago and its one of the best things i've ever done, I've recently started going to a Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous meeting, this one is a woman's group and its probably going to be even more relevant to my troubles than O.A. has been, everyone there knows exactly what you're going through, its definitely not a pick up place, just somewhere to be able to talk about stuff without being judged and working through the 12 steps is a basic necessity for getting through all these relationships issues, a way to discover your higher power and learn a better way to live.

I wish there was a way to attend SLAA. The closest meetings are 4 hours away from me in different directions. I think that would be the best group for me as I have so many issues concerning the things I have read in their website. I have tried to hook into their online meetings, but I can't get it to work.

RE: I would love to go to therapy in a live group allowing me to about things we talk about in here!!

If that is the case I would welcome you to search out a SANON (partners of sex addicts) since your qualifier was cheating or SLAA as Helen mentioned above, but those are much harder to find and make sure you go to a Women's only meeting. I went to a mixed meeting and I was the only woman there. It was AWFUL, although highly informative.

That is not to say you can't do both!!! Alanon (as far as I can remember) was all about how someones drinking is affecting you (be it parent, husband, BF, child) and SANON is all about how we use sex to control men and how many of us got the idea that sex is the most important part of the relationship.

I have also looked up the Al-Anon meeting in my area and been afraid to go.. actually looking up the meetings was the first scary step to contemplate going. I wish there was asomeone to go with me. All these new life changes are scary, adn they seem so simple.. example: setting boundaries..., I have struggled with that all my life, having an alcoholic father and growing up with an abusive brother. I repressed most of this and didn't see it as a root to my problem because I denied having the problems, and I believed everyone elses opinions that we looked like such a happy family and my parents were so successful... I always figured I was just negative on the inside. of course through this I coped by filling up my plate and being busy all the time. Most of this was so I wouldnt have to go home to my drunk father, who was loving when he was sober, and to my abusive brother.. who is now an alcoholic as welll but does not think he has a problem.. i have traced allt hese steps and now I am in a relationship for the past 4 years with an alcholic, and after reading and going to counseling ive realized where these decisions come from.. obviously all that im doing is wrong! so next step, try a meeting where someone can help me. its so hard with this disease of loving to much to seek help from someone else.. since we think we dont need help, and dont have time because there are worse situations out htere that we have to tend to to be heros. Im tired of sacrificing myself!

Oh I so agree looking for a meeting place is the first scary step, and I did it!!!!!

I have to agree with you jfiles, I thought I was a neg. Nelly all the time, but I know I am not at all. It is just when I am with the drinkers I get sullen and sad. I too repressed so many things growing up, just like my mamma did as well. I didn't want to admit I had a dysfunctional family and was with dysfucntional men.

I too came from a successful family and have had relationships with highly successful men. So, jfiles, we have come from many of the same element.

I too will no longer be a hero as well, I am done with that.

Susy, my first meeting was at a co-mixed SLAA meeting. I wasn't the only one, there were 3 women, but like 20 men. It was very difficult. I later went to some women only meetings but found that I couldn't relate to the sex addiction, just the love addiction, and they focused more on the sex. I am very fortunate that in my small city, there is a Love Addicts Anonymous (women only). I went to a few meetings but stopped about a year ago. I should keep going.

Susy,

I have looked allover NY State for any of the groups suggested. The meetings are when I can't get there and are so very far away from where I am.

I have emailed them for some help, but haven't heard anything yet. But, at least there is information on the sites I can review.