Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I would like to say firstly i hope all of you are travelling okay in your journey to healing.I check the message board most days as it gives me the inspiration i need to stay positive but i wanted to share my thoughts on this with you and find out if others experience the same thoughts.Since beginning my journey to move forward from this pain of XN i have been reading alot of books and articles as no doubt we all have to try and make sense of all this and to work on my own issues of repeating the same destructive patterns.Yes im a woman that loves too much which brings me to question, Why he chose me and the other certain few to inflict his pain on? Is Karma involved or a higher power ,was it even our destiny. When i think back to when i first met XN it was like the first time he saw me i was his target to pursue,befriend and tell me that he could see inside my soul which sounds familiar to all of you because at times it seems that we are all referring to the same XN as their traits are almost identical.I must add that all the while in his pursuit of me he was involved with someone else unbeknown to me.So once again i ask Why Me?He did not just do this to me once but twice as he went back to his ex and there were no doubt more involved just not to the degree of us as we both lived with him at different stages.Im not exluding the other woman and the pain she went through either because she was targeted like myself.But once again i ask is it karma or a lesson.Was my destiny to spend that time with him only to be destroyed. Would value your thoughts.It helps to sort through some of this if you can relate to others who are experiencing the same.
deleted_user
I think I have this issue (from post above): Its almost like ive felt i never ever deserved better . . .
Blueshoes2
I wouldn't say I never felt that I deserved better. That is one of the reasons my marriage ended, beucaes I was asking for better, I was setting boundaries, I knew I wasn't happy and I was becoming intolerant of his behaviour and lack of love. Having said that, I know I have low self esteem but I think that much of it was becuase of the manipulations and lies and betrayals and the uncaring that I made rationalizations for. What I needed was to learn how to be in the world. At work I always excelled and had quite good esteem, but as my relationship in my marriage went on it was always unsettling, always some work, it seemed that anytime things were going good he had to create chaos, certainly any time I was feeling good he had to repress me. Looking back I can FEEL the repression, the constant angst...and I am grateful to have some peace in my life. Yes, I am lonley, as I should be right now, beucase that is part of my growth needed. Everything happens for a reason.
deleted_user
All I can think of right now is, "I would'nt be surprised to find out some of us on here probably dated the very same N. They seem to know just who to target.
solo60
I won't do it, ever, but I have a really strong pull to contact the two females that have been involved with my XN in the past. I know who they are and where they are but I just won't let myself do it. I'm pretty sure that we would all benefit if for no other reason than validating our conclusions by comparing what we've encountered in the N's behavior. I've noticed something else that seems to be part of an N's behavior pattern, judging by many posts I've read here...they just can't wait to tell us that they've found somebody new. This has got to be another sick need that they have. They just can't wait to say " ha ha. Who needs you? See, somebody else wants me".
deleted_user
Yes, I have ask that question too many times..I asked "What did I do, so bad to deserve this treatment?" But now I look back and see that it wasn't no misstake of why I had to go through, This experience has open my eyes to so much about me. This experiences has strengthen me, it has made me bold to speak out, it has allow me to share my gifts of writing....I have been quit too too long in my life and shy and afraid of living. It showed me that I need not be a people pleaser and push over anymore. Yes it bothers me and I do still remember this bad experience but it has taught me to beware of different types of people, especially like him and how to Identify those red flags and keep moving. It has push me to allow God to work more in my life and trust him, because when I was going through that experience with xN, God sent goodness and mercy to be there with me....psalms 23 is one of my favorite scriptures. The xN thinks that he has won but actually he just push my relationship with God more closer and closer to my future soulmate. So don't look at it as a down fall but a positive thing, just another level in life to move up. Allow healing to take its course, yes it takes awhile but look beyond it...VICTORY is at the end of it, and you will be smiling and happy again. Stay strong! ((HUGS))
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