Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
We use our obsession with the men we love to avoid our pain, emptiness, fear, and anger. we use our relationship as drugs, to avoid experiencing what we would feel if we held our own. The more painful the relationship, the better the distraction. a truly awful circumstance is like a strong drug. without someone to focus on, we actually go through withdrawal. Nausea sweating, chills, shaking, pacing, obsessive thinking, depression, inability to sleep, panic, and anxiety attacks. in effort to relieve these symptoms we return to our last partner or desperately seek another.
I've just started on this path, and now understand what I've been doing with men, especially the relationship that just ended and has totally slammed me. I thought this knowledge would bring some relief, but yesterday I was totally anxious. I started out thinking about what I wanted and what made me happy, and by mid-morning, I was totally anxious!. I was coming out of my skin. I thought I needed to check myself into a hospital! I'm better now, but I appreciate the reminder that this is an addiction, so there will be withdrawals as I learn to shift the thinking. "This, too, shall pass."
I just wrote that I don't want to focus on him anymore. I want to focus on healing my pain..
But I just looked on the Web to see if he had done a race this weekend. He did, and this race would have put him near the home of the woman he's seeing... which means he stayed with her... Knowing this made me feel sick and upset and now I feel defeated. .. less than.. hurt. A victim. Alone.
Why did I do that? I don't want him. But I feel stuck.
I've done so much good work. It's frustrating that I go backward.
I saw it over the summer and what's funny is that the character who
I remember the most was the oldest widow who was at "divorce camp." She was quick to fall in love and marry. When she had her heart broken....again, she was the most pitiful. She believed in love and kept sayin, "L'amour" over and
over. Then she was surrounded by all the women when she got her heart broken again while she cried. Feeling that pain in my life is NEVER funny. I spent
a day thinking about how I feel when I have any kind of loss Just like
Dracona and Robin Norwood said, it makes you feel like your whole body
and spirit are falling apart. What I don't get is why it feels the same EVERY time I go through it. I'm no where near the age of the woman in the movie, but I don't see what separates me from her. I had a hard time seeing that I'm addicted to pain. It hurts... over and over again. Why would I put myself through it again? Cynandbearit, I get so
much strength from your determination and honesty about what has happened. I'm new here and already it helps so much to have a place to talk this out without feeling ridiculed by friends who think I'm just being weak over and over...
Eventually when the pain becomes too intense, we change. We seek help and move forward. Pain is a tremendous catalyst for change. When we have had enough agony we will do the internal work required to move past this moment.