Another bottle of vodka, another night of him being vile, abusive and verbally offensive. Tomorrow we're taking our daughter to a funfair with her little friend and their family. Another day of pretending and feeling so envious of those who do not have to go through what we do. In 4 days time, we fly out on holidays. We try to go on for us and for our children's sake. But when does it become to much hey? Do we stay until something really bad happens, something really unforgivable? Tomorrow he will have forgotten again or will be sheepish but it won't fix anything because I know there will be a next time. I just know. He's too weak to beat this.

His defense is what happened 7 years ago when I could not take anymore and left him for someone else. I didn't go about it the right way of course and for that I am truly sorry. But never once does he ask himself why. I never loved the guy. The only thing I loved was that he was taking me away from this life. I came back. He now throws it back in my face every time he's drunk, anytime I try to make him see sense, every time I try to get him to face his evil disease.

Maybe it's time to leave and just go!! Sometimes things are so broken there isnt a way to fix it. I will never be with an alcoholic again ever. I should say active alcoholic. (12 months now husband has been sober) I won't do it anymore.

Ceecee4 how did you get him to stop?

I did not get him to stop. I gave up on him. I did what I needed to do to take care of myself. I set my boundaries and told him I'm out if he can't quit. He knew in was serious I got everything set up so I could.pay the mortgage on my own. He realized I didn t need him. He did it on his own.
Alan on didn't help me but taught me one concept. We can change cure or control them and their addiction.
I say move forward and don't depend on him. Make a life for yourself move forward. That's all you can do. By staying in the same spot thinking you can help him is actually what's hurting him. He needs to get help on his own. I just got lucky. My husband saw that he was not living the way he wanted to, he hit his rock bottom, and he wanted to be sober.

We can't change cure or control sorry typo

Thank you for your reply Ceecee4. It helps so much to know I'm not on my own and si ce I've fou d this website I can find finally let it all out without shame...

Exactally it's so tough. Unless you've been there it's hard to understand

we're not weak, although I guess others think we are. Its my birthday today, all I wanted was one day of sobriety to enjoy a bbq with my family. shithead gets drunk so its all ruined and thats that. He ruins everything, he is like a wart I can't rid of. I don't care about why he cannot quit anymore. my friend has a summer home, and she has invited me to come and stay with her for awhile, I think I will do that, I 've got to get away from him because I cannot stand his face anymore. he grosses me out. sorry for venting. I don't think we are weak, but I really have no reason why we do stay, I think I'm an idiot. I have wasted my entire life on his bullchit.

I don't think we stay because we are weak I think women stay because of love. Wedding vows mean something commitment means something. So to walk away lightly isn't the answer either. It's when we have given our all and have done what we can, that's when we walk away. When we reach our limit of bull shit. Everyone limit is different and some will stay no matter what. I guess as long as we are happy with our choice. (And of course no abuse). Personally I know I can't live like we were and I won't.

Until we're ready to say enough is enough! No more!!, we will continue to accept their abuse. It kills me when my husband says I'm sorry... I don't remember any of it. Well I do!! That hurt and pain goes absolutely nowhere!! We remember everything! We're left with the broken heart. I have decided to choose peace and joy!!! Which means, I don't choose my husband. I love myself more than the abuse and violent tendencies and disrespect. Choose YOU!!

I feel the same way, I wonder everyday why I put up with it. When he's sober I have all this emotion and love for him. The past 2 weeks have been a little different, he's still drinking but I've been over looking it cause he's trying to atleast be nice. But twice in the past few days he's gotten mad because I wasn't in the mood and I've always give in but recently decided why should I? I don't ever let him know I'm disappointed if he can't perform, or if I'm in the mood n he passes out. I'm not the type of person to hurt his feelings even when I'm mad I hold back. He got so mad he called me 1 sided! How the heck does he justify this one when I've given it so many times to his drinking and pretend it's alright! One minute I'm the best person in the world for putting up with him the next I'm this horrible person playing mind games. I can't keep up. When does it end? Our 30 ur anniversary is in Aug I didn't want to do anything but have given in and made reservations for 4 nignts.... lord what have I gotten myself into? It's going to be a drunken mess... hugs n prayers to u ladies I know how u feel.

tonight I had enough, its getting help or he's out. I'm done. I have done this for far too long.

I can totally relate. I have been with my husband for 14 years but married for two. Three years ago I had enough. He went to detox center got better we talked alot and things were better. He proposed we get married. He had already started drinking again but the total ass did not kick in yet. Married one month here we go again. Again he goes to detox gets better. Six months ago he got real bad again and started saying horrible things to my son and I left for two months. He again came crawling back saying he loved me needed me etc. Wanted to develop a better relationship with r son etc. I moved back in. Now he is drinking again n hates me blah blah blah blah. WTF. I have no job and really no where to go.

I wish I had read this thread before I wrote my whole story. Thank you all for sharing your experiences. It helps me know I'm not alone, and that is a huge help. I haven't actually left because my husband agreed to start Antabuse at his therapist's suggestion. I was in that meeting. I feel guilty because I'm afraid he will accidentally ingest some alcohol, it's in so many products and foods. We plan to read labels very carefully. I've bought him some alcohol-free mouthwash and deodorant, but it's still scary. I know I need to stop worrying. Worrying solves nothing. I am looking for part-time work (and have a good lead) so I can afford to start seeing a therapist, too. Right now, with him going once a week and with us having our grandson, I can't afford to see a therapist regularly yet. It IS hard when we've been married 41 years this month... and have guardianship of one of our grandsons (5-1/2). He loves his Grampa (and me). I don't want to have to take him away, especially after everything he went through his first 4-1/2 years. He is doing so well! I found a self-compassion mindfulness meditation that is helping a lot! I'm working on concentrating just on this moment - not replaying things from the past or worrying about the future. Sorry to blather. I really just wanted to say thank you.