Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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learningpatience 10/02/2017

They never need a real reason, do they? He went out on Saturday to see a friend he was in rehab with. His friend is doing well. On his way back, AH disappeared. Didn't answer his phone. He called on Sunday afternoon to tell us he went on a drugs/drink bender and took himself to the hospital. Came home feeling bad. Had a job interview this morning but he didn't get the job. I don't know why he keeps trying because he's not capable of working right now. Clearly because every set back is a reason to get drunk. He came home, made soup and passed out on the couch. Woke up in the worst mood and barks, from the kitchen to me in the office, "bills are due." That's it. And because I wasn't fawning and falling over myself to please him he got into a worse mood, turned off the computer - while I'm WORKING - and proceeds to condescend and be disrespectful. "I bought all of this stuff. It's mine." "I busted my ass for everything we have." Like I've been sitting around on my ass living the life of luxury? Let me tell you. I haven't. Not to mention the fact that I do about 90% of the parenting and that includes everything that goes with it. He took my phone and laptop. He eventually gave them back but we have one desktop I work on because my laptop is busted. Apparently over the weekend he wanted to lull himself because he couldn't pay the bills. You know, that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that he is so pathetic about it. Seriously? You think I want to support you when all you do is get drunk and f*ck up? If I'm going to pay all the bills he's going to pick up the slack around the house but he can't do that because he's drunk. Mad that I'm not "grateful". Seriously? I think to anyone on the outside looking in I've paid my dues and then some. Grateful. If I have to pay deference because you did your part you can go f*ck yourself. Looks like I'll be making that decision a lot sooner than I planned. I'm not going to financially support a drunk asshole. He wants that shit he can go get it somewhere else. Why is it alway two steps forward ten steps back. Why can't my life ever be the exception to the rule? I wish he would just leave already, so I could keep my daughter in her little world. But why would he consider that? I'm feeling a bit down on myself, angry and anxious and sad. I know I never had plans for this part of my life but i can guarantee if I did they wouldn't have looked like this.

DSTRICK 10/03/2017

Sorry it's horrible how they always think everything revolves around them. We wouldn't have anything if it weren't for them.... I think they all have the same thoughts, everything about alcoholics are the same. I for one have worked my whole marriage I may not make as much money as my AH but my day doesn't end at 5pm I have to go home and start my other job as a MOTHER and WIFE. It never ends for us we don't have the luxury to go home and enjoy a bottle of whiskey even if we wanted to! Don't let him win don't let the alcohol win. Your a smart and strong women you do not deserve what he's doing and neither does your child. Focus on u and her and what you need to do. If your making the payments now your closer to finding that freedom. Go for it ! I wish you all the best sending prayers and hugs your way!

Ceecee1 10/06/2017

I feel like you have a clear cut reason to get out. What's funny is I get jealous on here when I hear stories like this. Because you are getting a clear message to end it. My AH just keeps treading along doing many things (he's a functioning alcoholic) and then desperately trying to make up for them so I don't throw him out. I find myself wanting him to do something really bad so I have the clear cut reason I need to end it. In reality he has done a few horrible things, but here I am. Crazy how messed up I am in the head because of this. I used to really have my stuff together. Good luck to you. I pray for you and all of us that we know when it's time to give up......I know we said for better or for worse, but God can't really want this for us, can he?

CeeCee4 10/07/2017

Im so sorry. I know its hard. Is there a reason you cant leave now? Or maybe talk to him and give him an choice to sober up or its done?
I dont think anyone ever plans on being with an alcoholic spouse. Life always has its pits. You. Can always make new plans. Start fresh and revamp your goals. Tomorrow is always a new day.

learningpatience 10/07/2017

Ceecee, honestly I feel the same way. He fucks up and then makes a promise and even tho I know it's bullshit I let him get away with it because I don't want to tear my life apart any more than it already is. If I had my own money, a decent amount of it, and a drivers license, I would probably have left by now. But right now we are financially entangled. I couldn't even afford a truck to move my stuff. Or a locker to keep it or first and last for an apartment. Not to mention my three cats (I don't trust that he would care for them were I to leave and not be able to take them right away).. Every morning it's the same thin, "I don't want to keep doing this I don't want to drink" and yet every night itsthe same thing, a miserable bitter angry disgusting drunk. Not every night. Maybe we will get a day or two reprieve. I should leave, I want to leave. But it's so hard. I figure that even if and when I do leave it will be hard for a bit but at least I won't have to worry about this nonsense and life will eventually settle down. It's times like this when I really have a hard time thinking about alcoholism as a disease and not a choice, when he has the choice to take medication that makes him feel better and talk to therapists but he STILL chooses alcohol.

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