My drunk piece of shit husband and I have been married for over 26 years and are both in our early 50s. Yes, he has been a drunk the whole time, I never drank. I was IN LOVE, I CAN CHANGE HIM, HE'S SUCH A GOOD GUY WHEN HE IS SOBER, BLAH BLAH BLAH BULLSHIT. I am recently going no contact from my toxic family. My husband knows every detail, has witnessed things and has been helping me through this horrible situation.

My kryptonite is being called an ASSHOLE. My father called me that from the date I was born. That insult hurts me like no other. Cunt doesn't phase me. Bitch? Please, no reaction. ASSHOLE, I curl into myself and I am that little girl looking up at a monster calling her nasty names while foaming at the mouth, not knowing what I did. It's almost Pavlovian in my response. 

Hubby knows this about me. When he gets drunk and angry about some sin I have committed (which are just misunderstandings), he will call me an asshole in a really mean tone. When my father called me names, he was being a mean monster with diareaah of the mouth. When my husband of 26 years does it, it is meant to cut me, to hurt me, to make me bleed. When you share your deepest darkest fears and weaknesses with the person you love and trust and use that as a weapon for some imagined slight is sickening.

I personally think you have a black spot on your heart and are not the good person I thought you were if you can slam me with something you know will emotionally injure me. Oh yes my friends, he has done this many times in our 26 years of wedded bliss. Always while drunk. WHY CAN'T I WRAP MY BRAIN ABOUT HIS CRUELTY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS? 

I know what I need to do, but what I would really like is to hear about some of your weaknesses your drunk pulls on you that works to get you upset every time. Just when you think you have emotionally retreated to protect your feelings, they get a good right hook in and you go down in the fetal position from the pain.