I am so glad to have found this group. Every single post that I have read shows me I am not alone. There is a place to go to and vent. How sad and immensely heartbreaking. We have common ground. And the ground under me is crumbling. i am so far passed trying to fix him. I have cried myself to sleep far too many nights and watched my children suffer the same effects I did as a child. The silence, the explosive arguments, the pretending. Someone on here mentioned having energy when her AH was gone for long periods of time, yes that is true. And when he's home your energy level and desire to do anything vanishes into thin air. I call it the soul sucker. My AH has been successful in breaking my spirit. I cannot seriously say I love the man anymore. I blame him for everything wrong in our lives-that's got to change. He gets to be drunk, loud and obnoxious and put all the clean up on everyone else. Our kids are now young adults and guess what- some drink. 

I come home from work to find that my kids had a gathering of other kids at my house. They were all drinking. My AH played concerned but loved every minute. My AH fancies himself as a 16 year old. Anyways, I wasn't happy about this and was made to feel very awkward and left my home-yes, left my home. I'm to a point that I feel like I'm the odd one out, I don't belong. I hate drinkers, it makes me sick. It's done nothing but follow me around and destroy whatever foundation I ever had. I don't know what to do but then I do. Being married to an alcoholic all of these years only makes me dread what life I have left. I say this because I believe that the second part of my life will be filled with a sick husband with liver problems. I can't. Does this make me heartless? 

So these days I work, come home and go to the gym, it's been a God send to take some of my anger out in this way. It sucks when you want to run and have not many choices.