Hey Rose_Shadows,
I know what you mean- I have heard the sorry-I promise-it wont happen again song so many times I hear it in my sleep.

The biggest thing I realized is that they keep saying it because in the moment I think a lot of people truly believe their own words, but if the actions don't follow, then they are just empty words. Sometimes I feel like its an out- like they wont have to do anything to get help if they apologize, which of course defeats the entire purpose when they do it again.

Very recently I finally took steps myself to try to be free from my nightmare, and it's all very fresh so I have no advice to give or introspection as I am just a hot mess still, but I want you to know that you are not alone. Joining this group helped me realize that for the first time and I hope you can take some solace in knowing that.

Black out - very uncool. Black out rage - you're dealing with a ticking time bomb. You, of course, know that. After 6 years, you're probably depleted to the point that there is no explosive power left in your tank.

Pretty hard for him to be sorry if he doesn't have any recollection of what he did. He might be sorry he drank too much, but that doesn't quite cut it. Like a little kid being sorry they got caught rather than actual remorse for their misdeeds.

I am sorry for you and your situation.

He needs to change. Not change for you. That is his journey to take. If he is unable or unwilling to do that, then your options are very limited.

If you are willing to share a bit more about his behavior and history, I might have some better wisdom to share. He is 2nd generation alcoholic, I bet.

Hang in there.

Thank you so much I know it's silly but I did feel alone before
Pietro you are right but it's more like third gen. I thought it was just insecurities at first maybe a hopeless feeling his mom gave him his first 6 pack at age 12. He says he feels like a blight. He's been suicidal in the past. As of yesterday he said he's not going to drink anymore because " he doesn't want to loose me". But heard that before I asked how do you plan on keeping up with it. "I just gotta keep busy" I told him it can't be for me and that keeping busy isn't going to do the trick.

After last fight I've shut down a bit. I mean it seems like anything is game when he gets passed his line as I call it. Bringing up topics we already came to common ground. Work, his childhood his family. My favorite it when he tells me that I don't care or that I hate him. Which makes me so mad becuz I do care.