Everyday I ask myself that. Can I be happy like this? I don't think I can. I have to do other things that make me happy to try and get what I can out of my life, but that isn't TRUE happiness. Not in my opinion anyway. I think everyone has to answer that question for themselves unfortunately. I'm kind of introverted and like to just be home relaxing, but unfortunately home isn't so happy for me these days. So I have hobbies that take me out of the house and they do provide me happiness, BUT I think we all want to be happy in our marriage....I mean, that is the foundation that everything in our life should be based on. They're supposed to be our partner in life. For me it was that way in the beginning, but now it isn't and I've just recently realized it, and I'm floundering to determine what I should do. I'm lonely. The drinking isn't constant, but the lying sure is, which is just as bad. If you don't have kids yet, I think I'd strongly consider getting out. Not what you want to hear, I know, and you obviously love him, but take it from me. I've been promised he would cut back or quit for over 15 years (married for 23)! Don't put yourself through that.

I agree with CeeCee, the hard part is choosing what you need for yourself and not for someone else. He won't change unless he sees a need and you will be slowing going down the rabbit hole of addiction with him. You can get to talk to him seriously anout it but I warn you to arm yourself with as much knowledge about alcoholism and the physical and emotional toll it takes on everyone, the damage he is doing to your relationship, before you do. It doesn't get easier butnyour happiness is important and you don't want to spend the rest of your life resentful and bitter

I'm so sorry :( I am new on here, so please forgive me if I don't do this correctly. I actually have a degree in addiction, but like you I don't have any history with substances. I'm trying to figure out what to do too. I love my husband very much, this is so hard. He's drunk tonight sound asleep while I sit in bed alone, crying.... I wish we could figure this out. I think for everyone it comes to lots of things. I don't know if what I'm dealing with is "normal" or not. Your husband is saying he will quit, which means he knows he has an issue. Mine knows, but would never talk of stopping. I think we need support, and for me this is such a private topic, I have no one. How is he when he's sober? Have you tried counseling, Alnon?

Do you have kids together? I recently was kicked out of our home AGAIN for guesstimating 5 or six times. I have been kicked out for what reason IDK because he is an alcoholic. he told me to get out of his life and get the F!@#$ out!!!!! I'm not going back we have been together 7 years this month. Our 4 year old keeps asking where are we going to live? or are we going back? its confusing her and I have made up my mind that im starting a new life im looking for a better job with insurance. I would love to stay in Texas close to my father(he has Parkinson's). Our child needs stability.Evertime he sees me he yells at me calls me a looser,mooch,slut and cheater. I know and so does everyone else I'm not!!! he stays out all night I'm always with the baby...My advice to you is tell him how you feel and see if he sounds like he is going to change? Or if he plans to stay the same. Alcoholism is a dark place....step out and see the light and clear your mind! Doesn't mean you have to get a divorce but to get perspective on things and see what you need to do from there. Alcoholic's like to have their control over their spouse. I just heard this and I know I'm supposed to tell you this !As long as we except the dysfunction your giving it permission to stay! Get around people that being free is the norm not dysfunction. Wow how powerful is that!! IM praying for you..

I heard this the other day Don't let the problem overtake your life but take over the problem in your life!!! I know its hard.. it a demon that I wish would leave people alone !!! its a disease and that's hard for me to come to terms with!!! I have so many questions in my mind but stepping out has helped defog my mind . I have major trauma from this marriage due to the abuse . I pray God you will help us all

Hi all sorry I have not been here much it has been a crazy couple of months. Appreciate all the advice and the time you guys have taken out to comment. We don’t have kids at the moment. We both want them but don’t know how we can if his drinking doesn’t stop. Reading other stories he is not the worst drinker he is more loving when he drinks but I hate his drinking. I still don’t get why he needs a drink or 10 to relax or destress. We have recently moved place and in between moving we had to stay at my mums. He was as good as gold for the 10 days we were there and only went out to the pub once for 3 beers. We actually went together because he wanted me there. Thing is I know he can go days without drinking but as soon as we moved in the fridge was stocked with beers and right now after a heavy night last night he is drinking on his own. I hate coming home to see the fridge full of beers or him with a drink in his hand but his excuse is ‘it’s Christmas, I’m relaxing’. Always an excuse. This is not how I want to enjoy my holidays!! Trying everything to not get angry and shout.