I can promise you, you aren't the only one. There are lots of us out there!! We are the same age, as are our AH, reading your story was like looking into a mirror of my life a couple of years ago. Mine isn't horrible anymore, he doesn't call me horrible names but believe me he has called me every name in the past!! Al-anon and other websites use to tell me I must not confront him in the morning and tell him all the horrible things he did because he felt guilty enough but after a while I thought screw that!!! You are an adult, if you can say those things to me when drunk you are going to bloody know about it when sober!! Now he doesn't do it. He still binge drinks but thankfully he has been so ill from the vodka or rum or gin that now he can't stand the smell, it's just beer now.
Your husband is ill, not just fighting this disease but all the other things you mention, maybe if you sit down and talk to him, tell him you know he is dying, he is killing himself but you don't want him too, you don't want to lose your best friend, it might make him think a bit, it might shock him that you are actually fronting him about it.
I wish there was a cure, I wish I could give you the answer but know this YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I wish you lots of luck, big hugs x

I’ve gone through the stages of confronting my husband the day after. It never changed anything; however, I know he was listening. Lately, I’ve become the silent partner. I don’t say anything, we hardly communicate. I think now he is walking on egg shells...but things haven’t changed. Only he is in charge of himself. I always go with doing what feels right to me. Confronting/silent treatment....or just getting away for the day. Do what makes you feel satisfied. Try to make yourself happy...that’s how I’m trying to change my dinamics at my home.

Honestly? I rarely confronted my husband the day after- it didn't seem to make any difference. The day after he was normally in bed, passed out, or puking- telling me how miserable he felt and trying to garner my sympathy for something he did to himself! Any time I gave him a snippet how how cruel he was to me when drunk, it was just met with another binge. He would consistently poke at my anxiety saying that it was why he drank. Uh, dude, ass backwards- I was so anxious because he drank! I had no idea what he was going to "go after" each time he was drunk, was it going to be something I did that he'd twist to make wrong? A friend of mine? A member of my family? Never knew but, something was going to get a piece of his mind and there was no rationalizing with him. He also developed health problems from drinking and swore up and down to me that the doctors told him that the SOLUTION to his health problems was to drink- like I'm that stupid- he only had flares from it when he'd go on binges and refused to recognize it. He broke so many promises- so many promises. He was so good at telling me exactly what I wanted to hear when he was sober, at making plans and never having them happen.... I could have written this not all that long ago... his drink of choice was whiskey for a long time even (before he switched to beer because somehow that was "better?" -I didn't care, the result was the same) I left him multiple times for my sanity, only to have that thrown back in my face when he was drunk because, once I left, he was unemployed and would end up homeless. My breaking point was this year- and he knew it. He went on a massive, massive bender around a very important, very difficult time of year for me- as was his routine, if I was having a hard time, he HAD to make it about him, making what was already so difficult for me to pull through so much worse because I not only didn't have my main source of support, I was angry and upset and so, so hurt by him. My dear friends were kind enough to pretty much let me move in with them for 3 days, I only slept at home. I took all our money, even our change jar, which was just pennies at that point because he would steel from it all the time (I was the only one making money so yes, in my mind, it was stealing) out of the home and took the keys. It was, legitimately, forced sobriety. After the 3 days, I ran an intervention on him- he was going to rehab or we were done- forever. I want to be a mother and I couldn't leave a child alone with him, I couldn't trust him not to decide the child was too stressful and he wanted to have "a drink" and then him passing out with the child in his care. That- really hit him since he wanted to be a father. He, thankfully, chose rehab and is now 7 going on 8 months sober, his health problems have stopped- he'll always have some damage to his kidneys but, he's not in agony from taxing them all the time. You are truly not alone, I remember all of this too well and it's been a very long road on this side of it as well as we have worked so hard to heal our relationship- I love him so much and simply refused to give up. I think what made the difference for us was I found something that was what he really, really wanted and was dead set in "that is not happening unless you are sober" and the program he went to- which there really should be more like but, there are only 2 in the country that operate as they do, for that, we just got insanely lucky geographically. I really hope this gives you some hope that, yes, it can get better should he decide to get help and really grab onto it with both hands. Although, I must warn, the other side has it's own bumps in the road- it's learning an entirely different relationship pattern and puts you through the ringer all over again for quite some time- my husband and I are still navigating it but only now starting to get our feet under us. I wish you the very best, everything about loving an alcoholic (particularly in active addiction) is taxing. *hugs*

Wow!!!! I am so overwhelmed with the stories and support!!! I do not confide in my “over protective” family anymore because I don’t want them hating my husband...he’s not a bad guy!!! And of course my brother would show up with a moving truck and say “stop being stupid, you’re better than this”....I truly appreciate everyone’s kind words!!!

I am sorry you have this struggle. What is the history of alcoholism and/or other abuse in his family? Do you have any sense why he drinks that way? Solo home passout drinkers are hardly unique, but the underlying motivation to drink (especially in the earlier days of the addiction) are often older and deeper than the addiction itself.

Hi Pieteo84, thank you for your response;)
As far as immediate family his mom and dad are not alcoholics and neither are his two brothers, just him. He has several aunts and uncles and out of all of them he has one aunt that just passed away this year from alcoholism. He has been fighting this demon for 20+ years, he quit for a little over 2 years and during that time is when we got married and life was amazing. He has had struggles for the past 19 years with his children and their mother, he has always paid child support and tried so very hard to be in his kids life, however the mom is so bitter that he has not seen his kids for several years now. They are adults and still there is no relationship. As I stated before he has never missed a child support and would even give extra when it was needed, that left him broke and sometimes unable to make ends meet for himself. He was single so he didn’t care as long as his kids were taken care of, on his way home he would just stop at the store and buy a bottle of whiskey so coming home to an empty house broke wouldn’t hurt as much. He has kept a very stable job for 20 years now. I am trying so hard to be sympathetic and compassionate with him and his disease but it’s hard...he is not your typical alcoholic, he is home with me every night and has never gone out with his buddies to bars or anything like that. He always apologizes in the morning and is so very loving to me with the exception of once he hits his threshold for the night and just starts talking non sense. Most days I can blow it off and know it’s not true but sometimes it gets in my head and I’m crushed. All these years all this man has ever wanted is to have a family and be happy. Now that he has that its like he drinking it away. I don’t want to leave him nor do I feel that I am in a place to even think about it. I am terrified of the future, I see the effects years of drinking is having on him and his health. We make good money now and we could be traveling and going places together but im embarrassed to be anywhere other than home because he gets so loud and abnoxious every night. We have almost been kicked out of hotels before because I can’t get him to stop yelling at everyone and everything. I feel like we live in his whiskey bottle and trapped there!!! As I am writing this he is passed out next to me, but just before he passed out he was gasping for breath and holding back vomit...I sprang into action but of course he slurred “I’m fine “ I spend most every night watching his breathing until I just can’t keep my eyes open any longer. I have been reading a lot of articles online and I came across “wet brain” which I had never heard of before and the symptoms listed are what I see from him. Am I over reacting?? Because how can someone in this state every night maintain a job like he has??